Title: Friends Only
Summary: Jack thought his 12-year-old cousin Lily was innocent... until he received an invitation to her Friends Only Facebook page and discovered her life as an exhibitionist.
Keywords: Mg, inc, lolita, 1st, exhib, voy
Friends Only by AnonyMPC (Mg, inc, lolita, exhib, voy, 1st)
I used to think my cousin Lily was an average kid. Now, I kind of hope she isn’t… because as much as I’ve benefited, if average girls her age are this sexually adventurous, it’s probably a bad sign for society as a whole. I still struggle with accepting this side of her. Before I discovered it, if I’d even thought about it, I would have doubted Lily had ever said the word sex, except perhaps in whispers, followed by a blush and a giggle. She was, after all, only twelve years old.
If you met her on the street, you would never guess what she did in her free time. You’d just see a pretty, apple-cheeked preteen girl, with skin that had never ever had a single blemish, and dark brown hair that flows just past her shoulders. If what she was wearing was tight enough, you could make out what there was of a figure… a child’s figure, very slender, thin legs, thinner arms, and an almost flat chest, with just the barest hint of bumps. She usually looked cheerful, with a pleasant smile sitting naturally on her face, and if she was really happy that those pink lips would part and you could see the flash of metal braces. In short, she looked the picture of a little girl just on the verge of becoming a woman, but still innocent in the extreme.
You might guess her hobbies included playing soccer or field hockey, or maybe those delicate fingers played an instrument. I knew she did both, although had mostly given up on piano, but I didn’t even have an idea about this other side she had, one she kept hidden from her family. This side she shared with friends only, and only a select category of them. I only found out about it when she decided I wasn’t just her cousin, I also deserved to be her friend.
That decision didn’t come out of nowhere, although it seemed like it to me. I guess we always had a connection, even though I’m six years older. Up until a couple years back, my mother would regularly babysit Lily… after school for a few hours, and during school holidays. Sometimes on weekends when her parents wanted to go out she’d be dropped off at our place too, but mostly it was during the week. Mom was trying to start a home business, and it seemed like a natural thought that she could make a few extra bucks and watch over Lily while doing it. It worked out, for the most part, but while trying to be successful, she couldn’t give my cousin her full attention.
Mom’s idea of babysitting Lily was to sit her in front of the TV while she sat in the home office trying to get work done. Aside from television, since my mother commandeered the computer, there weren’t a lot of other things to entertain someone her age, at least not stuff she could do by herself. She was always a sweet kid, and seeing her bored as hell, I put myself in her place and just felt bad for her. Imagine it, being stuck in a relative’s house, far from your friends. So, one day I decided if I was home and wasn’t doing anything important, I’d play with her. Hide and seek, ping-pong, even horsey-rides sometimes. I didn’t spend all my time doing it, but I always tried to carve out a little bit for her. Before long, if I didn’t come to her, she’d come get me. I didn’t usually mind… playing with her was fun. Sure, eventually I got bored too and wanted to do other things, and sometimes I even hid out in my room with my music on high and pretending not to hear her knocking, but I actually missed her when Mom gave up, got a real job, and Aunt Kelly had to hire a different sitter.
For a long time after that, I saw very little of my cousin Lily… just at holidays and family gatherings. Last year I graduated from high school and, when I started college this year, that changed. See, I was eager to move out on my own, and that was my opportunity. I found a place, a bachelor apartment. It was small, but barely affordable, mainly because there was a little bit off the beaten track. As it turned out, the path from the nearest bus stop to my building ran right past Lily’s school.
The first time I spotted her it was a pleasant surprise, a cool coincidence, but I began to look forward to it. I guess for all that I wanted to get away from my family, I found living alone a little lonely, so it was nice to see a familiar face. It didn’t happen too often. My college schedule that year was a little unbalanced, so Tuesdays and Thursdays, I had lectures from 7 in the morning to almost 6 at night, but on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, my last class ended at 2:30. On those days, if I left right after class, as I usually did, I had a small chance of meeting Lily on her way home. Whenever I did, we’d usually stop for a couple minutes to talk, and it brightened my day a little, no matter how dreary it was.
I didn’t think these interactions would last… I knew any minute she’d start that inevitable transformation into a teenager, become sullen and be too ashamed to talk to a relative, any relative, while friends were nearby, potentially judging her coolness by the smallest association. I went through a similar stage… when my friends came over, I had to pretend my little cousin was just an annoying brat, and it would only be fair that she pay me back for it. So I knew one day I’d wave at her and she might give a little wave but not stop to talk, and then after that she’d just nod furtively when she saw me, before looking away so I couldn’t embarrass her.
We went through about half of that school year with sporadic encounters where she always had a smile for me and somehow judged me cool enough to talk to, even in front of her friends. As spring began to approach that still hadn’t changed and, one Monday, when she stopped to talk to me, I got the invitation that changed everything.
I need to back up, first, because to explain the invitation, I have to talk about the previous weekend. It was my mother’s birthday. We went to eat at a “Chinese” place, my mother’s favorite, an all-you-can-eat-buffet. I use the quotes because I don’t think the owners are really Chinese, and it shows in the offerings, they had a mix of dishes, some Western, and I’m pretty sure Teriyaki Beef is Japanese, not Chinese. The place called itself Chinese, anyway, and my mother loved it. I just liked it, but they had a few good dishes, and I couldn’t complain about the portion sizes. Six of us were there celebrating, my parents, me, my aunt and uncle, and Lily. The others were already there when my parents and I arrived, although only by a few minutes. Because four out of our six were couples, I sat directly across from my little cousin.
Lily looked nice that night, like she was a little dressed up, wearing a black top over a red dress. I didn’t think it was the kind of thing she normally wore, but then I didn’t know her well enough to know that. Almost every time I saw her lately, she was wearing her school uniform. Today, when she saw me, she gave me a warm smile and hello, and then said Happy Birthday to my mom. Aunt Kelly passed over a boxed gift, which my Mom opened. It was a nice vase, which my Mom oohed and ahhed over appreciatively.
That made me feel a little guilty because I’d only given Mom a card. It was all she asked for, because she didn’t want me spending money I needed for college on a gift she didn’t really need, but I still felt bad. It was like a no-win situation, if I bought her something, she’d give me grief for wasting money, if I didn’t, I’d have to feel bad about that. Maybe my guilt was all she really wanted.
To avoid thinking about that, I tried to make some small talk with Lily, but she was a little quiet, even withdrawn, answering in one word answers, not the easy camaraderie we had outside her school. I thought the teenager syndrome had started to set in early. I quickly began to see some of the signs of it, in how she behaved with her parents.
While we were all at the buffet, assembling our first plates, she happened to be right behind me, and while we exchanged a few words about what dishes looked good, her dad passed by going the other way and said to her, “Hey, Lilypad, I saw a bunch of sushi over on the other table.” Lily just rolled her eyes and blew air out of her mouth dismissively, and spooned some vegetables onto her plate.
Her mother, she barely talked to, except when a direct question was asked, and that was rare. More often, Aunt Kelly criticized, like when she said, “You put too much of that on your plate, you’re never going to eat all of it,” or “Stop trying to use the chopsticks if you don’t know how, Lily. Somebody’s got to clean up whatever you drop… don’t try and act sophisticated, just use a fork.” I could understand Lily giving her the teenager treatment early, if that was what she was like at home.
My aunt was another reason I couldn’t really talk to Lily. Throughout that dinner, Aunt Kelly seemed to butt in whenever I tried, even for the most banal things. For example, when I asked how school was going, Lily started to answer, but then her Mom jumped aboard with, “She’s doing great, except in social studies. But she won an award in composition the other week,” and yammered on about her daughter’s accomplishments and what she needed to work on, while Lily seemed to shrink back. I bit back a scowl… if I wanted to talk to Aunt Kelly, I would have asked her.
I should have expected that, though. My aunt was always this way… probably since she and my mom were kids. My mom’s not normally a quiet woman, but always allows Aunt Kelly dominate the conversation whenever they’re together, like she was used to it, which is weird, because Mom’s the elder sister. I used to think my aunt was entertaining, and a great storyteller, but as I’d grown and come to the conclusion that she just liked the spotlight, it became a little annoying. In small doses, she could still be fun, but I felt bad for Lily, who had to deal with it every day.
I guess her dad wasn’t too bad. Although my uncle could occasionally get loud and obnoxious when talking about politics, he was more engaging and actually seemed like he listened to what you had to say, and even at his worst he was nowhere near as bad as Aunt Kelly… although, as it turned out, on that day he wasn’t even there very long. Halfway through our first plate, his phone rang, he said, “I have to take this,” and headed outside. About five minutes later, he came back with a grimace on his face and said, “Sorry, I hate to do this, but I really need to go into work.”
“Oh, come on,” my Dad said. “You’re not going to leave me here to suffer alone with the women, are you?” he joked, completely forgetting me. Usually the two husbands entertained each other arguing about sports. “Can’t you get somebody else to fill in? It’s Julia’s birthday.”
“I know, I know, and I’m sorry, but I’m the only one who can handle it.”
“He’s the number one man there, the place would fall apart without him.” Aunt Kelly said proudly, and then explained about why nobody else could do the job, up until she was finally interrupted by her daughter.
“So how are we supposed to get home?” Lily whined with a roll of her eyes.
“Oh, it’s no trouble,” my mom volunteered. “You can come with us. We have to drop Jack off anyway, and you live right near him.” With that settled, my Uncle gave his wife a kiss on the cheek, his daughter a kiss on her forehead while she shied away, and then my mom a kiss on her cheek as well, delivered with an apology and an offer to pay for the meal.
With that, he was gone, and my Mom and Aunt Kelly got into a long, detailed, and spectacularly boring conversation about Facebook and, particularly, the game Farmville, while my dad went for more food. I looked across the table at Lily, who was staring at her plate, picking at her food.
I had that old instinct, from when she was bored. I wanted to make her feel better, even if only by distracting her, so I tried again to include her in the conversation. “So, do you play Farmville too?” I asked.
True to form, Aunt Kelly interrupted before Lily could get a syllable out. “Of course not, she doesn’t have a Facebook,” she said. “She’s not allowed. She’s too young for sites like that.”
“I am not,” Lily muttered.
“Yes you are, young lady. You’re not even allowed on there until you’re thirteen, by their own terms of service, and you’re months away from that.”
“As if you’d let me then.”
“That’s right. When you’re sixteen you can get one, if you’ve proven you can handle it, and I have your password.” She turned to my mother. “Now she’s going to tell me about how her friends have Facebook profiles. I can’t believe how lax some parents are. Luckily, I’m not like that. I put a Net Nanny program on her computer, the same types the school uses. It’s not that I don’t trust her. She’s a good girl but there’s so much bad stuff out there you can stumble across by accident.”
My mother agreed, my dad, who had returned with a plate full mostly of sweet and sour ribs, tried to give an example, but Aunt Kelly continued in with, “That reminds me of a story…”
She took over the conversation, again, and told a story that wasn’t even hers. It was something she saw on a newsmagazine about bullying leading to a suicide. I’d already finished my plate, but it was only when Lily got up and said she was going to go back for more that I decided I could use some too. “I told you,” Aunt Kelly said as we rose, picking up Lily’s last plate and showing the food left on it. “A total waste of food. Some kid in the real China would feel very lucky to have this much food to waste.”
In the buffet line, since I was mostly alone with Lily, I decided to try conversation again. “You okay?”
Lily tilted her head towards me as she grabbed a fresh plate. “Yeah, Jack, I’m fine. Why?”
I shrugged. “You just seem a little quiet.” I took a shot in the dark. “So, what are you missing out on to be here?”
She blinked up at me. “What?”
“It’s just you look like you’d rather be anywhere else. Come on, it’s a Saturday night. I know you’ve got plenty more fun things to do than celebrate your aunt’s birthday.”
“Oh, no,” she said. “I don’t mind being here. I like your parents.” When she said “your”, she poked me playfully with the hand that wasn’t holding her plate.
“Everybody always likes everybody else’s parents more than their own,” I said, trying to pass on sage wisdom. I certainly had problems with mine. My dad was good most of the time, but tended to fly off the handle for no reason. Mom was also a bit of a nag, but, to her credit, she didn’t do it when we were out in public and it would embarrass me. Still, while I could live with my dad’s occasional outbursts, my mom’s regular nagging was one of the chief reasons I had wanted to move out.
“Please, like you’d really want to trade your mom for mine, right?”
I shrugged, unwilling to either lie or admit the truth. Instead, I decided to change the subject. “Hey, I like how you did your nails.” It struck me as a little childish, but cute. Each one was a painted different color, like she was trying to go for some kind of rainbow effect.
She pulled her hand away from one of the scoops and showed them off. “Yeah? You just noticed them now?”
“No, I saw them when we sat down, but your mom wouldn’t exactly let me get a word in edgewise.”
She giggled then, a genuine one that made me feel good, like I’d done some small part to make her night better. “She HATES them. If we weren’t on our way out when she noticed them, she’d have made me change.” She pitched her voice a little lower and did a dead-on impression of her mother. “’They’re so gaudy, Lily. You’re becoming a young lady, you should look more respectable.’” She rolled her eyes.
I chuckled and scooped out a little Teriyaki beef for my plate. “Who cares what she thinks? It’s your body, right?”
“Right!” she said, emphatically. “Thank God somebody sees it that way. You really like them?”
“I do,” I said. “Rainbow nails are very cool.” I was being a little generous. They were cute, but they were nails. What the fuck did I care?
“You think your girlfriend would look good with them?”
I laughed nervously. “Well, I don’t have one at the moment, but if I did, I’d leave that up to her.” I looked up and saw Aunt Kelly and my mom coming to the buffet area, and joked, “Uh-oh, there’s your mom. Better end the conversation before she smothers it to death.”
Back when we got to the table, my dad had shifted his chair over to my side of the table, having decided that talking to me and Lily, was better than listening to more of Aunt Kelly’s stories. I couldn’t blame him. The rest of the meal, we managed to have a divided conversation, with Aunt Kelly and my mom talking about whatever, and Dad, Lily and I talking mostly about our schools. I finally did hear Lily’s own take about how things were going there (she found it boring, but most kids did), and she also showed us her collection of animal-shaped rubber bands she wore around her wrist while we pretended to be interested.
After dessert, we all piled into the car and rode together, Lily right beside me, between me and her mother, and plowing into me whenever Dad took a turn too fast, but there was only room for one conversation, and that was Aunt Kelly’s. Even that was subdued, as she claimed she was starting to develop a migraine, and mostly she just talked about all the steps she’d have to take once she got home to limit the amount of pain she’d suffer later. We dropped the two of them off, and then I was let out in front of my building, said one last Happy Birthday to my mom, and went home, thinking very little about that side of the family again.
That is, until I saw Lily again on that Monday, on the way home from school. She was with a small group, but peeled off when she saw me and smiled. “Hi,” she said.
“Hey. Long time no see.”
She grinned. “Yeah, it’s been ages.” As she spoke, she reached up a hand and shifted the bag on her shoulder. I noticed her fingernails were now unadorned, plain.
“No more rainbow fingers?”
“My Mom made me get rid of them,” she said with a roll of her eyes.
“Too bad, I thought it suited you,” I said. “Your mom’s a little strict, I mean, what’s the harm of painted nails? You’ve got to express yourself some way, right?”
She nodded. “I’m glad you think that.” Then she looked up at me, a little twinkle in her eye, and spoke the words that first sealed my doom. “Hey, can you keep a secret?”
“Of course I can,” I said automatically. If she was a little older, I might have been more wary, but like I said, she gives off such a vibe of innocence, I didn’t even question.
“You remember how you guys were talking about Facebook?”
I nodded. “Yeah, how your mom won’t let you…”
She grinned. “Well, I do actually have my own Facebook page. You wouldn’t believe how easy it is to get past that Net Nanny software. But it’s secret. And friends only.”
I smiled at her confession. A secret Facebook account didn’t seem to be anything to worry about, and right in line with what I might have guessed the secret would be, if I had time to guess. A little bit of adolescent rebellion, but nothing really dangerous. How bad could it be, right? So I smiled. “Hey, that’s cool. Your secret’s safe with me.”
“I knew you’d understand,” she said. She bit the corner of her lower lip, hesitated for a second, and asked, “So, do you want an invite?”
“What, you consider me a friend?” It was crazy, but it felt good… made me feel all warm inside.
“Of course,” she said firmly. “If anybody should be on it, it’s you.”
“You know your parents are on my friends list, right? They might see you being added. Or mine might, and tell your mom.”
She shrugged. “It’s okay, I use a fake name and picture anyway. So, should I invite you?”
“Okay, sure,” I said, trying to sound more enthusiastic than I felt. I didn’t actually care all that much. The invitation really touched me, but, being a realist, I imagined I’d find her Facebook as boring as everybody else’s, or maybe even more so. What would she have? Status updates revolving around hating homework, or being totally in love with some celebrity? I don’t understand how anybody actually reads those things regularly, even with adults. “Send me an invite then. But I’m not playing MafiaWars or Farmville, so if you just want me to give you virtual sheep or something, you’re out of luck.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got better things to do than waste my time on games like that.” Lily grinned happily as she rocked on her heels a little, and that made me feel warm again. “Okay, so, if you get an invitation from Lauren Smith, accept it. That’s me.”
“I will,” I promised. “Anyway, I’ll let you get on your way then.”
“I’m in no rush,” she insisted.
I was. “Well, I haven’t had anything to eat all day, so I need to make dinner before I could faint.” Dinner would once again be canned ravioli. Mom dropped off a load of it a few weeks back, because it was on sale by the case at one of those club stores. I was getting a little sick of it, but with the apartment, internet access, coffee, tuition, and books, I had to cut corners somewhere, at least until I found a job. I needed to stretch my student loans as far as I could, which meant I couldn’t afford to eat out very often or, for that matter, turn down free food. Ravioli was one still step above ramen, at least.
“Oh.” Lily seemed to need a second to think of what to say, but then added, “You know you really shouldn’t skip meals like that.”
“I know, I know. I was in a rush and forgot to bring a lunch.” My stomach grumbled, punctuating the point. I started slowly shuffling in the direction of my place. “Anyway, I’ll see you around. Send me that invite.”
She raised one hand to wave and smiled. “I will. Enjoy your dinner.”
We parted ways. I went home, ate, then had a little bit of a nap while watching TV. By the time I woke up and stopped by the computer, my e-mail told me I had a friend request from Lauren Smith. I logged in, did a very quick scan of my friends list for anything interesting, approved the request, and then closed the window. I didn’t even look at her page… as honored as I was that she chose to invite me, I really didn’t think there’d be anything worth looking at.
It wouldn’t be until the next day that I’d learn how wrong that snap judgment was.
Tuesday I returned home more tired, but less hungry, than the day before. I’d remembered to pack a lunch that day but, even so, the extended hours of my Tuesdays and Thursdays always wiped me out. As soon as I got my shoes off I collapsed in my comfy computer chair and got online. Lily was the farthest thing from my mind, but that was about to change.
I had a message, but not from her. It was from one of my classmates, Allison. She was cute, dark hair and complexion, a face that looked a little chubby but not in a bad way. What I’d seen of her body through her clothes was pretty good, too… average boobs, but a great ass. We usually sat near each other in my first class of the day, Tuesdays and Thursdays, and had struck up a few conversations. I’d been working up the courage to ask her out the whole year… I’m a little slow at that. We were on each other’s Facebook page, though, and the message was sent through there.
Even before looking at it, I knew what it was about. I noticed she wasn’t in class that day, and so she must have wanted a copy of my notes. That actually worked out well. An idea blossomed… I’d suggest we meet and I give her the notes near the cafeteria. Once we met, depending on the time, I could casually suggest we grab either a coffee or lunch.
I logged on, confirmed my guess about what she wanted, and sent Allison a reply, suggesting the place and telling her when I was free, and otherwise leaving the time up to her, and then went to look through my friends status updates, just to kill time in the hopes she might log on and open up a chat.
That was where I saw it. Earlier that day, “Lauren Smith” added a new photo, one of Lily in a pose on her bed, and it looked like she wasn’t wearing pants.
I clicked on it immediately. Not out of a desire to see her naked, but just because I wanted there to be an innocent explanation… and there was. It was one of those cases where the thumbnail was misleading. She was clothed, but just wearing flesh-colored hotpants.
I let out a sigh of relief, and then looked at the picture again. She was kneeling on her bed, back towards the camera, looking back over her shoulder. Not only were the shorts tight, but her t-shirt was, too. It wasn’t sexual, but it was a little provocative, particularly for a twelve-year-old.
There were already two comments. One said “Hot!!!!!!!!!”, and the other one was “You are so sexy!”
My bad feelings started to return, but instead of being an immediate near-panic, it was a subtler worry. I could see my cousin going down the wrong path, maybe some of these friends convincing her to do something stupid.
Still, it was just one picture. Maybe it was an aberration, that she didn’t even know it might inspire sexual thoughts in the wrong type of people. I began to cycle through them, hoping to prove that to myself.
When I got to the end, I was still concerned, maybe even more so. She wasn’t naked in any of the pictures, but there were a lot that were on the borderline of good taste, at least for a girl her age, and a few that crossed the border. Plenty of the pictures were completely tame, maybe showing off a bit of leg or belly, but the way average kids clothes do… I guess you could hardly complain about that when her school uniform had a skirt bottom. There were others though… a couple of bikini shots (taken in her room, not the beach), ones where she raised the skirt on her uniform to just below where panties would be visible, and a few where she was wearing something very tight, with her ass pointed towards the camera… the fabric clung to her ass leaving little of its shape to the imagination. The worst of the pictures had her showing her training bra or very tight panties. Two pictures had her wearing nothing more than that, and in one, the panties were pulled into the space between her ass-cheeks, showing off the skin of her buttocks a little. It didn’t show much more than the bikini pics, but it seemed so much more sexual just because it was clothes that nobody should normally see.
I wasn’t getting aroused by the pictures, at least no more than a little. I certainly didn’t have an erection at that point, but there was a certain queasy feeling that seemed to be centered below even the pit of my stomach. Maybe this was the first inkling that I could be aroused by someone her age, but at that point, my worry still outweighed everything else. She was too young to be posing like that.
Worse than the clothes and the poses were the comments. Guys, many of whom had obviously fake names (a frequent commentator was ‘David Davidson’), had commented on many of the pictures, telling her how hot she looked or openly wishing that she dropped the shorts or took off the bikini top. One picture had her sucking on a popsicle and ‘David’ commented about how he had something else she could suck on. A few other guys agreed with the sentiment.
I didn’t want anything bad to happen to my cousin, and it was looking like she was getting herself into trouble… probably not immediate danger, but I knew I’d have to talk to her and warn her.
It was then that I saw that the pictures I’d just looked at were in a folder named “1”. Did “1” imply a “2”? Just to be safe, I clicked on the album name, and then on “View Photos” to get to a list of her albums.
There were four folders. “1”, “2”, “3”, and “v”. None of them had anything revealing on the album thumbnail, they were all blank (I hadn’t noticed but there was one empty image when I was scrolling through the first album, and imagined the rest must have been similar), so I clicked on “2”.
A page full of preview images opened, and even with the small size, I could tell that these were very different from the last batch. In every one of these pictures, Lily was in some stage of nudity.
That was the first time I felt an erection growing over my cousin, the beginning of my becoming a pedophile. I probably should have closed the window and called her parents, but instead, I accidentally clicked on the first image to see it in a larger size.
I’ll remember that first one forever. It was a close-up of her pussy, framed by her hands. She’d used the thumb and forefinger of each hand to make half the outline of a heart. In the center was a beautiful hairless slit.
Maybe it was because that was all you could see in the picture that I didn’t recoil. There was no little girl to make me cut off those thoughts, just a pussy in a hand-heart. I don’t know why the sight of it affected me so much. It was beautiful, for a pussy, but when you got right down to it, it was just a narrow crevice with a teardrop shaped pink nub at the top. Nothing other than that hung out to make it distinctive, to give it character, but I was entranced all the same.
I wouldn’t have admitted it then, but maybe I was a little aroused by the taboo, knowing whose pussy it was and that I shouldn’t be looking. Still, by appearance alone, it could have been anybody. Lots of people shaved. If somebody had given me just this picture and not told me it was my cousin, I’d have guessed it was a porn star, although a remarkably tight one, with tiny hands, and have become aroused.
I don’t know how long I stared at her pussy before I clicked next. Time seemed to become rubbery. The next picture I saw had her standing naked, with her back to the camera. Her ass stood out, small but proud and happy. Lily looked proud too, she was grinning over her shoulder, like she knew she had a beautiful ass. And it was a beautiful ass, but I couldn’t convince myself it was an adult’s ass. It was too small and tight. Somehow, those characteristics made it perfect.
Like a man possessed, I slowly looked through every photograph in the folder, savored it. That night, I fell in love with Lily’s body, the parts I’d never seen before. The ass was first. The first time I saw it I wanted to hold it in my hands and never let go. It was sublime, whether seen in its full glory, totally nude, or just over her pants as she mooned the camera, or poking out beneath a skirt with no underwear.
I fell in love with her pussy second. Even though I saw it first, I was too in shock, too confused about my own feelings to really think about it, to crave it, right away, but as I saw more of it, as I saw one picture in a later folder of her spreading the lips to see the pink hole inside, I began to love it, too, and have the impossible fantasies of touching, licking, inserting a finger, or even actually having sex with her.
The last of her private parts for me to come to love was her flat chest. I’ve always liked boobs. Normally, it’s the first part of a girl I check out. Lily didn’t have much in that department. They were, at their largest, tiny swells of flesh. She must have been taking photos for some time though, because in a few of them, she was so completely flat you couldn’t be sure of her gender except for her hair and clothes. Her nipples were faded pink, nearly the color of the underlying skin, but they were certainly perky. I came to love them too, it just took a little longer, probably until I saw them in person.
There must have been more than fifty images in that folder, all of which contained some form of nudity that would get me arrested just for looking. There were shots of her lifting her shirt casually, shots of her sitting topless at her computer, close-ups on nipples, pussy, or ass, with nothing else in the shot. There were pictures of her in a Halloween costume, as a devil girl, in red tights and skirt, a little devil-horns headband, and a plastic pitchfork. Album ‘1’ had a picture of that too, but in album ‘2’, she took the requests of commenters and lifted the skirt, to show that the little devil wasn’t wearing any panties, in two pictures, one highlighting the front, one showcasing the back. It was the latter where I, virtually unconsciously, unzipped my pants to let my straining cock come free, although I didn’t start to touch it yet.
Most of the shots had her wearing some clothing, like it was a prop with which she could flash, moon, or tease, but there were also several total nudes, where Lily showed everything she had without any seeming hint of shame.
That was the most stunning thing to me, the absolute confidence. My only girlfriend, in high school, never even let me see her nude, much less be willing to distribute pictures of herself wearing only a smile. Lily almost always had a smile, except occasionally when it was replaced with a coquettish faux-pout or other similarly posed expression. The smiles never seem posed though, they seemed natural, like she was doing something she loved.
When I got to the end of album 2, there was no doubt that I was moving on to the third album, although I still told myself it was me being protective.
It was as though Lily had a firm idea of escalation. Her first album had shots that could be considered sexy, if you liked little girls, but not actually indecent. The second had nudes and poses, but nothing explicitly sexual. The third kicked it up one more notch. There were fewer pictures, but every one had her doing something sexual to herself. It was here that for the first time she spread her pussy lips, and I fell in love with that part of her. Those were the tamest of the batch though, her spreading her pussy wide, or likewise spreading her ass cheeks to display her butthole, or squeezing the flesh just around her nipple. The other pictures had her either rubbing herself, or sticking something inside her pussy. “Something” included her fingers, pens, a motorized toothbrush, a hairbrush, a banana, a cucumber, and some kind of bottle of hair spray or deodorant or something, I couldn’t see the writing. She seemed to be able to handle them without much discomfort, and it was hard not to mentally compare them to my own dick. I didn’t intend to, but I think it’s instinctive. I was bigger than most of what she used, except maybe the cucumber, but all the evidence suggested she could handle me.
The picture where I finally broke to temptation and began masturbating was one of her lying in bed, her legs spread and pointed towards the camera. With one hand she spread her pussy, and the other was fingering her clit. That pose, although undeniably erotic, wasn’t what did me in… it was the nails. She had multi-colored nails, a rainbow. A quick glance at the picture’s info confirmed my guess. The photo was added only a few days ago, the day of my mother’s birthday dinner. I began to imagine the quiet little girl I sat across from at dinner, masturbating. Had she done it before she left? Or maybe after we said our goodbyes, she went home and began to finger herself. What did she think about? Justin Bieber? One of the guys from Twilight? Could it possibly have been me?
It seemed impossible, but the thought was enough to get me to start on a slow stroke. As it was only a few days old, the image was near the end of the album, although there was another picture, ass facing the camera, with a marker sticking out of her asshole, that came after that. I began to cycle back through the images I’d already seen, to help complete the masturbatory act I’d started on, and I was nearly halfway through before I realized there was still one album left. I pulled my shirt up over my head so that it wouldn’t drop down and get stained by my precum, then went back to the menu page and clicked on ‘v’.
It was just what I’d needed. The ‘v’ stood for ‘videos’, apparently. Here I could watch my little cousin Lily doing much of what she did in album 3, but with motion and sound. With one hand, I attended to my dick, which was crying out for relief from the sweet torture of what I’d been seeing and imagining, but slowly, just enough to keep feeling good without pushing for completion. With my other hand, I quickly looked through the videos, tasting a few seconds of each while deciding on one to blow my load to.
One just started with her dancing, completely naked, to a song, and as endearing as it was, I wanted something harder. The next had her putting her electric toothbrush to her slit and turning it on, making moans and squeals of pleasure that could be heard over the buzzing, as she doubled over in pleasure. I considered that a maybe, and moved on. There was what looked like a masturbation session with a hairbrush, and I almost stopped there, but I really wanted to get a quick look at all of them and then masturbate to the very best. If I was going damn myself, I might as well do it to something really good.
The one I settled on was the newest one, because she was not only wearing the same dark top and red skirt combo from the weekend, but also sported the rainbow fingernails. It cemented the video in time for me. I wondered if she took the image in the prior folder as a screen capture directly from the video, or if she did it separately. In either event, it was from the same camera.
The video was so much better than the still image. I guess that should go without saying, but, as hot as the image was, I was unprepared for how much better it was when I could see her moving around. She started out fully clothed, seated in her computer chair, and the camera pulled up close to her face. Her mouth opened, lips pulled back, and she let her tongue escape. It curled upward so I could see the underside, and then swept across her teeth and braces sensuously, just the tip grazing the bottom lip. Immediately after the full sweep, she bit down on one corner of her bottom lip.
It was probably the most erotic expression I’d ever seen on a woman, and it was on my twelve-year-old cousin. That thought just about did me in. It was like somebody had poured in pure, liquid sex appeal in a vessel that was far too small to contain it, and it was now oozing out with every motion. She repeated the tongue-tease trick, and it was just as hot the second time.
After that, she pulled back, readjusted the camera, and then spread her legs as far apart as they would go, and pulled the skirt back over her top. Her panties were now centered directly on the camera, pink ones with a little red heart in the center.
The panties were tight, so tight you could see the impression of her mound through them. One hand reached down to the front of the panties, and slowly began to stroke one finger, with a gaudy orange nail, down the center of the heart, making a little indentation into her slit. Again and again she stroked, sometimes pushing the fabric into her crack, at others trailing around the edge of her vulva. Soon I could make out, or imagine, a dark spot at the bottom of the slit where it was starting to get wet.
After about a minute of this lazy stroking on the outside of her underwear, she pulled it down slightly, to a point where you could see hair but not slit, if she had hair to see, but instead of pulling it down further, she slipped her hand beneath the waistband. The panties bulged outward as her hand flexed and she rubbed herself underneath a thin layer of cotton. There was no hiding what she was doing, but the fact that you couldn’t actually see it, made the act seem dirtier. She breathed out deeply and regularly as she pleasured herself under her stretched-out panties, and occasionally her hand would drag the top of her panties down, dangerously close to exposing what I most wanted to see.
She withdrew entirely at one point, and then leaned forward, almost doubling over, so her face would be in frame and give me a look at her raising one finger to her mouth, and putting it inside. After one long suck on the digit, her lips clinging tightly, seemingly reluctant to let go, she returned to fingering herself under cover.
Finally, after another minute, she withdrew her hand from under her underwear, and instead of pulling it down, pulled the crotch to the side, revealing that beautiful vertical smile through one of her leg holes. It looked a little wider, with more prominent pink in the middle than some of the still pictures showed, and the area around the slit seemed to have a trace of red, like a blush.
While one hand kept the panties from slipping back where they belonged, she used the other to masturbate, openly. At first she just spread the lips, and stroked the center with a finger, just as she’d done when the underwear was in the way, but she escalated rapidly, and pretty soon she was massaging her vulva hurriedly, or dipping her fingers in the wetness gathered at her slit and rubbing it around. Her deep breathing turned into little whimpers of pleasure. The whimpers then gave way to whispers of, “Oh yeah,” and “mmm” sounds, and by that time, my own hand was steadily pumping up and down, faster and faster, heedless of how wrong what I was doing was.
Her pace was increasing just as mine was, but I advanced the video a little because I doubted I could hold out as long as she did. As the progress bar jumped, suddenly Lily was bucking her hips slowly while letting out a little squeal.
It sent me over the edge, and I felt that slow but unstoppable increase of pleasure and pressure. Just before it reached its peak, Lily grabbed the camera, and, still taking deep breaths, centered it on her smiling flushed face, and it was to that sight that I finally exploded, spurting up a volcano of cum on myself.
On screen, Lily raised one of the fingers that was inside her to her lips, and licked it. “I hope you enjoyed that,” she said breathily, still almost whispering, and then blew a kiss. She waved, wiggling her fingers, and the video ended.
I had enjoyed it, and I had the mess to prove it. I hadn’t intended to masturbate, so I hadn’t prepared in advance and got tissues. It was all over me my stomach.
The guilt and shame hit me then, before my seed even had time to dry. I’d just masturbated to my cousin. If that wasn’t wrong enough, she was only twelve, not even a teenager. That made me a pedophile, I supposed. That was a surprise, I never thought of myself as one before.
I recoiled against the thought as soon as I had it. I didn’t want to be a pedophile, so therefore I wasn’t. I was just caught in a weak moment. My mind was just tricked by seeing girly parts, when I hadn’t masturbated since the night before, and I reacted like any man would. I didn’t really want to do anything to Lily. At least, that’s what I told myself.
What I did want, and this was no self-deception, was to protect her. Even if I did enjoy what I saw, she was too young to be doing things like this… if there ever is a right age. Exposing yourself on the internet’s just not a good idea. If she was doing this, who knew what else she was doing?
While I sat in post-orgasm lethargy, I looked through her Facebook page. To my dismay, she had over 200 friends. I barely had 50, but then, access to child porn didn’t come with my friendship. So two hundred people had all seen what I’d just seen. The comments on the pictures and videos were pretty vulgar and explicit about what they’d like to do to her, too. How long before one decided to make their dreams come true? She said the page was for friends only, so maybe some of them were schoolmates. For all I knew, little Lily was already the school mattress.
But I was her cousin, and sometimes I felt a little like her brother… that meant I had to be responsible. She couldn’t appreciate the kind of dangers she was getting into. As much as I wanted to be the cool cousin, who wouldn’t try to talk down to her like her parents did, it was the right thing to do. If things worked out, I’d see her tomorrow. I decided I’d to my best to have a heart-to-heart talk with her then.
Before I had my chance, I had to face one long sleepless night. I’d felt good about my decision, but still tossed and turned over the method, wondering what I should say, and if maybe I should have just tackled it immediately, called her house, even though I’d promised not to tell her parents about her Facebook account. I didn’t consider myself totally held to that promise in this situation, but I did feel I owed it to her to try to resolve it with her first, before involving anybody else. In the middle of the night, I second-guessed myself on that score dozens of times.
Also keeping me awake were the unwelcome but arousing images that kept invading my head, memories of her photos and videos. I tried to resist, but I masturbated two more times that night, to thoughts of Lily, the first just to try to get to sleep, and the second when I woke up in the middle of the night to a dream of her ass. I considered it something of a moral victory that I did it in bed, to my memories and imagination, rather than dragging myself over to the computer, logging back onto Facebook and seeing it in living color like I wanted.
The next day I was a bit spaced out. Not only did I suffer from the lack of a good night’s sleep, but I was also plagued by persistent worries about what I was going to say, and sudden, intrusive memories of my cousin’s body. I went to class as usual, but my notes, usually pretty comprehensive, were just a few random points interspersed with doodles of asses. Luckily I’m not a skilled enough of an artist for anybody to guess the age of my mental model.
I met with Allison, although I almost forgot and, as it was, I showed up a few minutes late. I handed her the notes she’d asked for, but all prior thoughts of asking her to lunch or coffee had been abandoned. I knew I wouldn’t be able to carry on a very stimulating conversation, so I just told her I had to run to a study group and got out of there, choosing instead to hide out under a stairwell and try to prepare my big lecture to my cousin.
By the time my last class ended, I had a little bit of a speech prepared, although I was continually revising it all through the ride home. In my head, it sounded pretty good, wise and sensitive, and heartfelt. As soon as I was let off the bus and walking down the street where I would usually meet Lily, my heart was racing and my palms were sweating, like I was about to give a presentation in front of hundreds of students, and what I’d prepared began to feel trite and mean and condescending and my mind raced to try to fix it.
A steady stream of uniformed children passed me as I reached one end of the block her school was on, and whenever I saw one in a skirt, I reflexively took a glance at their legs, imagining what delights they led up to, before chastising myself for the thought. What Lily had done to me had gone deeper than I expected.
Suddenly, there she was, Lily, back to looking pure and innocent, laughing with a few other girls on the set of stairs leading to the front door. I inhaled deeply through my nose to gather courage, and walked right up to her. She saw me, smiled brightly, and said, “Oh, hi, Jack.” She turned to her friends. “You guys know my cousin Jack, right?”
I’d seen her friends before, but never paid them much notice, spoken to them, or been formally introduced. “Hi, Jack,” they said in unison, and giggled. I wondered if they knew what Lily did, and that I’d just seen it.
One added, “You know, it’d be really funny if you met a friend on a plane, and he said ‘Hi, Jack!’, and got arrested!” A few more giggles followed, but it sounded like they were laughing more to be polite than genuine mirth.
I was a little flummoxed by facing a crowd, thrown off my stride, but after a few seconds of standing around, I said, “Hey, Lily, I kind of need to talk to you.”
She tilted her head and looked up at me with an inscrutable expression, with just the hint of a smile behind it. “Oh, you do, huh?”
I looked around to the expectant gazes of her friends. “Ummm… it’s kind of personal, I should probably talk to you alone.”
There was a little, self-satisfied twinkle in her eye, but she said, “Okay.” She nodded to her friends. “I guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
They said their goodbyes, and Lily stepped over to where I’d drawn back to. It was time, and for all that I’d prepared my speech, somewhere in my last revision everything had gotten jumbled, and I was having trouble even starting.
She didn’t let me even do that. “So, should we go to your place?”
“Well, you said whatever you wanted to talk to me about was personal, right? So we should go somewhere private, and you live nearby, right?” She shrugged, as though it didn’t really matter. “Unless you want to talk about it here, where anybody could overhear. It doesn’t really matter to me.”
She had a point. There were lots of people walking down the street. Any conversation I had there I’d have to interrupt every time somebody came near. “Okay,” I said.
She grinned. “Cool, I always wondered where you lived, exactly. Did you eat lunch today?”
“On Monday you said you skipped it.”
“Oh. Uh, no, I didn’t really have lunch,” I said.
“Jack….” She stretched out my name like she was scolding me. “You shouldn’t keep doing that. You need your energy.”
“I had breakfast this time,” I said defensively. How did it get to be where she was trying to set me on the right path, instead of the reverse?
“Hmph. I guess that’s something.” She kept up the conversation as we walked, talking about nothing very important, until we got to the building. She looked it up and down and asked, “What floor do you live on?”
“Sixth.” I started to fish out my plastic building-entrance keycard from my bookbag.
As she waited, I noticed her rolling back and forth on her heels. “I always wanted to live up high,” she said. As I opened the inner door, one of my neighbors came in the outer one. Lily held open the door for him, and we walked to the elevator together, and then rode up in an awkward silence. We got out first. “I really need to pee,” Lily said suddenly, squeezing her legs together. “You don’t mind, do you?”
“Uh, no, of course not.” It would give me a few seconds to get back on script. At this point, I needed it. She didn’t seem nervous… at least, no more than could be explained by needing to go to the washroom. But I’d expected she would have had some idea of what I wanted to talk to her about, and she didn’t seem to be dreading the inevitable lecture. Maybe she didn’t know what I’d seen… could she have forgotten what was on the account? Maybe she had two, and friended me on the wrong one?
My apartment is just at the corner of the hall from the elevator. I unlocked the door and let us in, then pointed to the side. “Bathroom’s right in there.” It’s a bachelor apartment, there’s no need for directions other than pointing.
She darted away and closed the door, and, in addition to rehearsing my mental script once more, I took the opportunity to put away my sofa-bed. The door opened as I was placing the cushions to turn it once more into a couch. “You’re putting your bed away?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I forgot this morning.” In truth, it hadn’t been put away for several days – unless I’m expecting company, I usually don’t bother.
“Oh,” she said, and then sat down on the cushion. “So, what did you want to talk to me about?”
Here it was, the big moment, and the words weren’t coming. I struggled for a few seconds of awkward silence, and then managed to spit out. “I saw the pictures you had on your Facebook.” It came out a little more accusatory than I intended, but I was flustered.
What happened next didn’t help. Her lips parted into a wide smile, showing her teeth and the thin metal braces. “I wasn’t sure, you didn’t leave any comments. Did you like them? Which one was your favorite?”
How was I supposed to answer that? She was obviously eager for some kind of approval. “Lily, you’re a very beautiful girl, but…” What was going to come next was, “You shouldn’t be taking nude pictures of yourself like that.”
Instead, she interrupted me before I got to ‘but’. “Did you masturbate to them?”
It was so shocking to hear… I guess I still had the old Lily in my mind, the one I would have bet didn’t even know what the word ‘masturbate’ meant. Even though I’d just watched her do it the other night. “What?”
“You know, jack off, fap, rub one out?” She curled her hands around an imaginary dick and shook it up and down for emphasis.
I couldn’t exactly tell her the truth, but I wasn’t very good at lying. “Why would you put something like that up on Facebook?”
“Because I want people to look. And I really like it when they jack off to me.” She uncrossed her legs, holding her knees together with her palms, and looked back at me with a probing expression. “So, did you? Did you jack off, Jack?”
“Of course not.”
She looked at me shrewdly. “Liar.”
“Look, it’s not right. You shouldn’t be doing this.”
“What, calling you a liar?”
“Exposing yourself on the Internet. You’re too young for that.”
“But I’m not too young for you to jack off to? That’s not exactly fair.”
“I didn’t,” I insisted, unconvincingly. “You ARE too young.”
“I think there’s only one way to settle this,” she said. “You’re going to have to show me your penis.”
It startled me, like a slap across the face. “What?”
“Whip out your cock. I don’t see any other girls here, so if it’s hard, then it must be my fault, and obviously I’m not too young.”
As much as I’d have liked to prove her wrong, the problem was, hearing her talk dirty, my dick was now well on its way to getting hard. I stood up. It was a calculated risk. If I remained seated, she almost certainly would have seen the growing bulge in my pants. Standing up risked making it more obvious, but at least I could be heading away from her and into the tiny hallway that passed for my kitchen. I could pretend to be getting a drink of water. “This is ridiculous,” I said, walking away. “I’m not showing you my penis. This isn’t about me, this is about you… stop changing the subject.”
She stood and started to follow me. “You’re the one changing the subject. Why can’t you just admit you masturbated to me? Is it because I’m your cousin?”
“No!” I said, before realizing it could be misinterpreted. It was one of those classic “Have you stopped beating your wife?” type questions.
She ignored the little slip, though, rather than pressing it. But then, she had a better advantage to press. “Is it really small or something? Cause I don’t really care if it’s small, I just want to see it.”
It’s amazing how, no matter how dangerous a conversation he’s in, a guy will reflexively jump to defend his manhood. “It’s not small,” I insisted.
“Then stop acting like you’re gay and show me your dick! I don’t see what the big deal is. You saw me totally naked.” Then she bit her lip as she smiled, an expression that was at once innocent and naughty, and pulled up the tartan kilt of her school uniform with tantalizing slowness. “Or is that it? You want to see me again first?”
I tried not to look, but it seemed impossible. Somehow my gaze was drawn down. There, between the dark fabric raised above her waist and the white socks that extended above the knee, was an alluring expanse of bare flesh.
“You’re not wearing underwear.” From this angle, I could only see the very top of her crack, but that was enough… I’d gone from semi-hard to rock hard, full length.
“Aww, you noticed,” she teased, and swayed her hips back and forth. Her feet were spread apart, so they couldn’t sway very much, but all the same, the effect was hypnotic.
My mouth seemed to be on autopilot, disconnected from every other part of me. “You went to school like that?”
She giggled. “I wish, but I don’t think I could get away with it. I took off the undershorts in your bathroom.” She swayed her hips again.
“When you brought me up here, I thought it was because you wanted to see it in person.” She repositioned her arms so that her skirt could be held up while still leaving one hand free. With that done, she took a couple of nearly hopping steps towards me, grabbed my wrist, and said, “I was all excited. See how wet I got even thinking about it.”
I didn’t resist as she drew my hand between her legs, forcing me to stoop a little. Her hand was warm, but the flesh between her legs was hot. Hot and smooth, and wet.
Her fingers forced mine to go deeper, rubbing through the slick, slimy bottom of her crack. There was a sharp, high-pitched gasp… I’m not sure if it was hers, or mine, or both. When she took her hand away, mine stayed.
I didn’t move much, just held her pussy in my hand. We stayed that way for several seconds, before she stood back, breaking my paralysis and letting my hand drop to my side. Her spell was further broken when she let her kilt fall back to mid-thigh. I still felt like I was in some kind of dream world, though, where all the laws of reason were suspended, because in any normal world, my twelve-year-old cousin would not be seducing me.
That’s what it seemed like was happening, at that moment, anyway. I certainly wasn’t trying to seduce her, but it seemed clear that something was going to happen… and a part of me just decided to let it happen.
So, when Lily said, “Are you going to show me yours now?” I just did what seemed to come naturally in the crazy world I found myself… I nodded, and unzipped my pants.
I watched her eyes as I pulled myself free of my boxers and just bobbed there. They widened, staring at it, and she grinned like she was both surprised and pleased. I was glad not to disappoint her… I was fully erect, and felt like I was bigger than I’d ever been before.
With one fluid movement, she was taking a close up look. She’d fallen on her knees, skirt surrounding her like a flower’s petals, and her face less than an inch from getting poked by the head. Her delicate hand reached up and surrounded the shaft. I groaned reflexively at the unexpected contact. “Wow,” she said, and giggled. “I’m so glad it’s not small. I was lying when I said it didn’t matter.”
I smiled a little too, for the first time since we entered my apartment. If it was a little strained, it was only because her hand on my dick was moving, very slightly, but even such small movements sent out waves of pleasure and arousal.
“So, are you going to admit you jacked off to me now?”
“Yeah,” I grunted.
“Good. I know you didn’t want to tell me the truth, so I think your honesty deserves a reward.” She looked down at the rigid piece of meat in her hand, and then leaned forward, opening her mouth.
I sucked in a breath as I felt her tongue slide under the bottom of my penis, and her mouth close over the head. It was a wonder I didn’t cum right then, or when her lips made a seal around me, one that moved up and down.
“Oh, god,” I said softly, bracing myself against the divider between my kitchen and the living-room/bedroom. I needed some kind of support, it just felt too amazing, and what happened just seemed so impossible that it helped to have something solid to remind me it was real. I looked down and saw my cousin’s cheeks sunken in as she bobbed her head up and down, giving me a blowjob, proving that the act wasn’t overhyped, reality did live up to fantasy.
Yes, it was my first blowjob. My only girlfriend was back in high school, and she was, back then at least, a remarkable prude, and since we’d broken up I hadn’t made a successful move on anybody. The closest I came was one girl at my first college party who started to give me a hand job before she passed out, drunk. I hadn’t realized she was that far gone until she fell asleep on my shoulder, and when I did, I got out of there. I didn’t want to do anything else with her for fear of a rape accusation. Later I learned she hooked up with another guy who was there when she woke up.
That incident came to mind then, not because my cousin resembled the girl in any way, but because I had a similar epiphany of, “Oh shit, I could be accused of rape.” No matter how much I protested that she came on to me, in the eyes of the law, Lily was underage, and any sexual contact was rape.
I had a moment of panic and fought back an urge to push her off me then. The damage was already done… pushing Lily away might just piss her off, and that couldn’t be good for me no matter what. So, I let her suck me, although not without some amount of guilt. I watched at first, but it was a little disconcerting, Lily’s eyes were open and on my face the whole time. She may not have been judging me, but they made me judge myself. So, after a minute or two of her sucking, I raised my head to the ceiling and closed my eyes, trying to imagine I was receiving some anonymous blowjob, rather than getting sucked off by my very underage cousin.
I wasn’t very successful at that, but at least not having to look her in the eye eased the guilty feelings and I was more able to enjoy the sensations. She only went down about halfway on my shaft, but it was more than enough, and the feel of her lips and tongue felt wonderful, as though she was a natural, or had done it many times before. I suspected at that point it was the latter, but in the moment, enjoying the benefit of it, I didn’t care so much.
Soon, it felt like the walls of my cock were getting extra stiff, and there was a rising feeling, almost electric. I knew it wouldn’t be long now. “I’m going to cum soon,” I warned.
She made a noise of acknowledgement, a soft ‘uh-huh’ with my dick in her mouth that was at once innocent, like a kid talking with their mouth full, and vulgar. I couldn’t take it anymore, and said, “I mean, like, now…”
Lily’s lips drew back to the head and the electrical sensation I was feeling swept through my entire body, infusing it with pleasure. I squirted out a load, right in my cousin’s mouth, and then another. After that, she pulled off to watch, holding it steady in her hand, pointed at her now closed lips. Another burst shot forth, landing on her face, and another, and another. After that it was just dribbles, but Lily put it back in her mouth for a few seconds and caught those.
I took some deep breaths as I came down from the climax. “Wow,” I said.
She laughed. “Much better than jacking off to me, I bet.”
It was true, but it made me feel like shit again. With my erection only a fading memory, guilt began to flood back into me. “Lily, I…”
Two of her fingers were playing with the mess left on her face. “Hold that thought,” she said, and used her other hand to push herself into a standing position. “I need to use your bathroom again to wash up.”
I let her disappear into my bathroom, put my cock back in my boxers, zipped my pants up, and went to sit on my couch. While listening to the sound of water running through the closed door, I put my head in my hands and tried to think of a way out of the situation I was in. None presented themselves, at least while I lacked the ability to rewind time and make better choices. I was fucked.
Eventually, the cushion beside me creaked as Lily flounced down on it. “Everything okay?”
“No,” I said. “I shouldn’t have let you do that.”
“Why not?” she asked innocently. “It was fun, wasn’t it? I liked it. I know you liked it.”
“It’s not right,” I said. “Look, you’re my cousin. I care about you. And you shouldn’t be doing things like this.”
“Things like what exactly?”
“Showing yourself on the Internet. Giving out blowjobs like they were nothing.”
“I don’t give out blowjobs like they’re nothing,” she said huffily. And now I’d offended her. Is there a worse state than fucked? “And so what if I show off on the Internet? I like showing myself off. I’m an exhibitionist.”
She got off the couch, and I finally looked at her. Her easy smile was gone, now her jaw was set. She shook her head at me, and then bent down to put something in her bookbag. As she did, the back of her skirt rose up and gave me a glimpse of the bottom of her rounded ass. She still wasn’t wearing anything under the kilt, although I could see the undershorts, retrieved from the bathroom, clutched in one hand. “Some people appreciate that.”
“I’m trying to look out for you,” I said.
“Did I ask you to?” She bent over once again, this time to put her underwear back on. She still didn’t show any shame, but this time it wasn’t like she was deliberately giving me a show, either. She was definitely upset though. “Whatever,” she said curtly. “I need to be getting home.”
I let her go without another word… I wanted to say something. Perversely, I wanted not only to apologize for upsetting her, demand that she stay and listen to me until she got it through her thick skull that it was bad for her to act like such a slut, but also to ask her to let me see her pussy again, close up. I wound up doing none of the above, I just let her go home.
I sat there for a while, but eventually hunger compelled me to get up and make some food, and once that was started and my inertia broken, I was lulled into other routines, and was able to resume my life as though it was any other Wednesday night. I watched TV, chatted half-heartedly with friends on the Internet, and even did a little homework for a class the next day. The only new wrinkle was that I went back on Lily’s Facebook page later that night, looking through the images and masturbating to orgasm while imagining the feel of her hands and lips wrapped around my dick. Having memory to work with was far better than I wanted to admit.
After the act was done, I went through the rest of Lily’s page again, wondering where she’d changed from that little girl I played hide and seek with, into this nympho. Her status updates seemed to reflect a little of both sides. She would post about her favorite bands or television shows, or complaining about school and how it was so unfair. She would type in text speak, with lots of “r” substituted for “are”, smiley faces, and “LMAOs” over silly things or in response to other people’s comments, some of which were innocent, some not. Occasionally, though, she would post a status update like, “so fucking horny, anyone wanna skype?” or one wondering about the sexual habits of cartoon characters, that seemed jarringly out of place. Her latest update read, “today didn’t go like I hoped. =(. both good and bad, but kinda sad now. why do ppl have to bring u down?”
Was that about me, I wondered? I felt a little ache over making her feel that way, and wanted to make it better. I moved the mouse over to click reply, hesitated, and decided not to. Maybe I was too self-centered, and something had happened at school. In any event, I didn’t think I was ready for another conversation with Lily, even over Facebook. The last one I was in didn’t turn out anything like I expected.
Thursday continued that trend of reflexive normalcy, at least at first. I was even able to take notes in class again, although my mind still wandered off to Lily an awful lot, both a cousinly concern for her well-being, and very uncousinly thoughts about her naked body. I didn’t want to think the latter, but the images kept popping up at random times.
Luckily, it was usually during class these thoughts would come, so nobody saw the erections and I could usually will my thoughts into other areas by the time I had to get up, but becoming regularly aroused and not being able to take care of it gets to you, so by the time I made it home, I went right to the computer and loaded up Facebook.
She must have just updated it earlier that evening. My feed told me she’d just added four new photos, and the previews of the first three were enough to fill me with dread. They were in a new folder, labeled ‘4’. The first was a side-on view of Lily, with my cock filling her little mouth.
I could tell it was mine, just not by the member itself, but by what could be seen of the background… my window and the corner of a shelf. I hadn’t even noticed she had a camera… she must have taken it on her phone while I had my eyes closed.
The other photos were taken in my bathroom, through the mirror, and featured Lily with my cum on her face. Two had her just posing proudly, showing it off like a badge of honor, and the third had her using her fingers to dangle a gooey strand into her waiting tongue.
Fear and arousal competed briefly, but fear won out. It was bad enough that we’d done what we’d done, but she’d taken pictures, and if anybody ever found out, well, I was dead. I took a panicked look at the blowjob picture, half-expecting that I’d been “tagged” by name in it, but, to my relief, I hadn’t.
One of the little widgets told me Lily was online right that moment, so I started writing a message… then stopped. If Facebook found her page, and there was a police investigation, a message where I admitted being the one in the photo could be dug up and used against me… but I couldn’t exactly let it slide.
So, I took a minute, pacing back and forth and composed a message I hoped would be neutral on that score. Finally, I came up with, “You have to remove those pictures right now. I can’t believe you’d do something this bad… you should be ashamed of yourself.” After debating with myself a minute about including a threat to tell her parents, and deciding against it, I sent it off. Instantly, I regretted saying anything. It was too harsh, and all my schemes to avoid somebody in the future figuring out I was in those pictures would be for nothing if she replied and made it clear anyway.
Still, I couldn’t call back the message, it was already sent, and so I refreshed the page, waiting for a reply. It didn’t come in the form I expected. At one point, when I refreshed, the page was almost gone, with just the ads, and the following line: “Lauren only shares some profile information with everyone. If you know Lauren, add her as a friend or send her a message.”
A quick check confirmed it, she removed me as a friend, and her entire page was Friends Only.
I should have expected it, but I was stunned, even a little hurt. My cousin no longer considered me a friend. Worse, I’d have no way to know what she was doing on her site. She might be telling all her friends she gave her cousin a blowjob and that he was such a jerk after. She might be arranging meetings with them for orgies. I was locked out, so I’d never know.
I could have sent her a message, but thought that I might only make things worse. I didn’t feel good about it, but I left things as they were, deciding that maybe I could see her the next day, apologize and somehow make it right.
It was another restless night. As I jerked my dick to get to sleep, I found myself, shamefully realizing that, now that I was no longer her friend, I might never see those photographs or videos again, and that it filled me with a deep, hollow sensation of loss. I should have saved them, but instead, I only had my memories… and those just didn’t do the job, not that night, when worried thoughts would intrude on any fantasy I might develop (and all of them, both worries and fantasies, centered on Lily). I eventually just gave up and tried to sleep. Most of the night I was tossing and turning, with only a few snatches of sleep coming when I was too exhausted to think anything that would keep me awake.
The next day, I didn’t see Lily at the usual place on the walk home from class. I looked for her, but once I passed by her school, I decided I must have missed her. Which I realized could mean bad luck, or it could mean that she was avoiding me. I hoped the former, but expected the latter, but it turned out I was completely wrong.
After I exited the elevator and as I turned the last corner to my apartment door, I saw a small form sitting on the ground, legs extended. There was a book on her lap, but she wasn’t reading it, she was looking at me. She must have heard the elevator, or my footsteps, or my keys jingling as I got them ready. “Hi,” Lily said weakly.
“Lily? What are you doing here? How did you even get in?”
“Someone held the door open when they were going in.” Figures. “I wanted to talk to you. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” I stepped over her legs and started to unlock the door. She rose to her feet, and followed me inside.
I waited for her to start. I didn’t know what I was going to say, anyway.
She took a few seconds of us staring at each other before she raised her chin and launched into her speech. “I know you think, like, I’m all bad, now, but I’m not. There are girls in my class who do way worse stuff than me.” Her voice lowered, not quite into a whisper, but in a way that suggested she was betraying confidences. “Some of them even smoke.”
I almost burst out laughing, it was so earnest and adorable, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Still, I couldn’t keep a smirk off my face as I said, “Well, at least you aren’t smoking.”
She missed my sarcasm. “Right. I do well in school and I’m nice to everybody. I’m not a bad girl.”
“I never said you were,” I said.
“Yes you did.” Her voice seemed to be equal parts sad and angry.
“No… I said what you were doing was bad. And it is. I’m sorry about what I wrote. I was just freaked out about you putting those pictures up, maybe it came out a little harsher than I intended… but I wasn’t wrong about that. You’re doing a lot of stuff you shouldn’t be doing.”
“I am not,” she whined.
“Yes, you are.” I was beginning to feel more confident. “Showing sex pictures of yourself… giving guys blowjobs. That kind of thing is dangerous.”
“Guys?” she said. “How many guys do you think I’ve done it to?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. She had over two hundred friends, and most of them looked like they were guys, but that didn’t mean she’d serviced all of them personally. If I was stupid enough to make a guess out loud, I’d have put it at ten or more.
“Just one,” she said. “You.”
I didn’t believe it. It just literally didn’t seem possible, I thought she had to be making it up. “Come on, Lily. You’ve got all those pictures up of yourself for all your friends to see… you gave me oral without me even asking, and you did it like a pro.”
“That’s cause I watched a lot of porn to learn how. And I only gave it to you because I thought you wanted it.”
“So what, you give it to me just because you think I wanted it, but not to your friends? Come on, if a girl at my school posted pictures like you did, every guy would be bugging her twenty-four seven.”
“No one at my school’s seen those pictures,” she said. “I’m not stupid. You’re the only one I really know who has.”
“Huh? But you said your page is for friends only.”
“Yeah, but not in-person friends. Internet friends.”
“Internet friends,” I repeated.
“Right. You’ve got two types of friends. In-person friends, and Internet friends. In-person friends are great to have fun with, but you can’t trust them to keep secrets. Internet friends don’t really know you, so you can tell them anything.” She smiled. “Or show them anything, and it’s not a big deal. Even if they wanted to tell, they couldn’t. And I’m not going to meet any of my Internet friends, everybody knows that’s dangerous. Besides, I’m not a slut,” she said. “I told you before, I’m an exhibitionist.”
“See, you shouldn’t even know that word.”
“Why not? It’s what I am. One of my internet friends explained it to me. It turns me on to have people watching me and getting turned on. Would you rather I be all ashamed of my body?” She grinned and gave me a sidelong look. “You’ve seen it, do I have anything to be ashamed of?”
She had me there. “Um, no. But there’s a difference between being ashamed of it and letting hundreds of people see you masturbating on Facebook.”
“Wow, exaggerate much? It’s not hundreds of people.”
“I checked, you have over two hundred friends. You don’t think they all looked?”
She stared at me a moment like she was wondering how stupid I was. “Come on, don’t you ever use the privacy settings? You can make it so only certain people get access. That’s why I have them in separate folders. I used to have them all in one, but it was so irritating to edit all of them and let a new person in. So I reorganized, and now I have levels.” She began to explain. “The first level is for everyone, just sexy shots of me. Folder 2 is for anything where I’m at least partly nude. I let about fifty people get that far. Folder three and videos, is for me masturbating or special requests. Only, like, twenty of my friends are at that level. And now folder 4 is for hardcore, but it’s mostly the same list of people, except the newest ones I’m not sure of yet. The ones who’ve been with me a long time, I trust them.” She saw me beginning to open my mouth on that front, and cut me off. “And your face never shows up in it, I wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t ever tell anybody who it was, either.”
I wanted to get back to that, but I decided I’d leave it alone for now. “Even if it’s not two hundred… it’s still not good, Lily. I mean, you don’t know these guys, not really.”
“I know enough. I’m careful. I never tell them anything about who I am or where I am. None of them even live in America.” Except me. Which made me wonder, why did she invite me? Did she think I’d understand somehow? “They just like to see a girl being sexy, and, well, I am an exhibitionist, like I said.”
Every time she used that word it just seemed wrong, like a kid in a business suit. “Look, Lily, you’re a great kid. There’s so much more to you than just you being sexy. I can’t understand how a nice girl like you even gets into this.”
She seemed to sober a little as I spoke, but then at my rhetorical question, she brightened. “Do you want to know? How I learned I was an exhibitionist? I can tell you.”
I wasn’t expecting it, but I was curious, and thought maybe if I knew more I could help her. Of course, the look in her eyes was similar to when she manipulated me into taking her here the other day. “Sure,” I said uncertainly.
She pulled me further into the apartment, towards my couch. I’d folded away my bed just in case I did run into her. “Sit,” she said. I complied. She put her bookbag down, and the jacket portion of her uniform, and began pacing up and down the stretch of floor in front of the sofa as she began to relate the tale, with growing excitement. “See, it all started when I was at a sleepover. There were like eight girls there. Anyway, my friend had a webcam on her laptop, and we were bored and decided to check out ChatRoulette. You ever heard of it?”
I nodded. I’d tried it once when the news discovered it, hoping I might find a nice girl for some camsex, but found only dick after dick. “Yeah.”
“Anyway, one of my friends heard that you could see lots of wieners there… that’s what she called them, ‘wieners’, and we thought it’d be funny. Sure enough the second person we saw was just jerking his dick.” She mimed out the action, arching her back and thrusting her hips forward while gripping an imaginary cock and rubbing it back and forth. “I’d seen videos and stuff before but this was different, it was like live… I guess some of the other girls were the same because lots of us couldn’t stop looking, we were crowding around the screen to get a look. Anyway, when we didn’t ‘Next’ the guy right away, he stopped and started to type. He asked us to give him something to stroke it to, that we should show him our tits.”
“And you did,” I guessed.
“Well, a few girls wanted to, some said no way, but two of my friends, and I won’t say who, agreed to do it, but only if everyone else promised not to ever tell anybody. So they pulled up their shirts.” Once again, she began to act it out, pulling the white shirt of her school uniform, and the vest over it, upwards. I realized then why she was so eager to tell the story… she really was an exhibitionist and she wanted to give a show.
Maybe I could have stopped it if I said something right then, but once it her bare navel was exposed, my eyes were glued and I knew I couldn’t resist letting her show me whatever she wanted. She did it slowly, like an expert tease, so that I could appreciate the very moment when her nipple finally slipped out from beneath the fabric as an event all its own, an event my dick swelled at. She held it just above the level of her nipple, before dropping it down and continuing. “Anyway, he really started jerking off again, and typing ‘more’, and another girl, not one of the original two, decided she’d do it too. They kept doing it again and again, laughing all the time, until he finally squirted. But before that they tried to get us to join in. And I really wanted to, but I was afraid, too. ‘Cause I remembered just the last week, somebody had told her best friends about how her dad was in jail and it wasn’t two days before it was all over the school. Sure enough, that’s what happened, everybody knew who flashed the guy and who didn’t. I still don’t know who it was who told, but I did know who it wasn’t…”
“You?” I supplied.
“Well, yeah. I know how to keep a secret.” I certainly hoped that was the case. “But I mean the guy who asked us to flash. He didn’t tell on us because he didn’t know who we were. He ‘Next’ed us as soon as he was done, I guess he was ashamed or something. Anyway, I couldn’t get that night out of my head, it was so exciting, so bad, and I realized that if I was alone, I could try it out and no one would ever know. So one night Dad was out and Mom had one of her migraines, I got online and went on ChatRoulette again. At first I was too scared to do anything, I just watched the people, especially the dicks. It was so cool that they were willing to do that. I got all warm and tingly watching. Finally, I decided I was ready for my first flash.” She lifted her arms, pulled off the vest portion of her outfit entirely, and let it fall to the ground off one hand. Then, her hands worked on her buttons. “I got it so the camera could only see the bottom of my face and my shirt, and then I waited for the next person to ask me to flash. Some of the guys wanted me to before but I wasn’t ready then, and I just panicked and hit ‘Next’.” The last button was opened, but the top was still draped over her, mostly closed. “This time, I waited. It wasn’t one of the guys with the cameras on their dicks that did it, either, it was just some old guy with a beard. He asked me to open my shirt, and so I did.” She demonstrated, pulling apart her blouse, showing me the full expanse of her torso. Her nipples seemed to jump out, erect, and maybe it was just from seeing them in person, but her breasts looked larger than I’d ever seen them. Still small and mostly flat, but with a perky roundness just developing that was alluring.
She pulled the shirt closed again. “Of course, I just did it for a second, and then hit ‘Next’, but I felt so good, like I’d just drank three cups of coffee. So I tried again.” Another flash. “And again.” Another. “Then I decided to try flashing other parts.” She turned her back to me and leaned forward, pulling up her skirt to reveal that beautiful little ass. Once again, she surprised me by not wearing anything under her skirt.
Last time, she removed a pair of undershorts in my bathroom, but this time she hadn’t stopped in there. I wondered, had she actually gone to school wearing nothing under the uniform kilt? It was a windy day, so she’d be risking sudden exposure on the street, but then, she might like that. Or had she removed them in the elevator, or the hallway while she was waiting for me? Imagining either option turned me on… but then, I was in the state where virtually anything would turn me on more. I longed to free my dick from my pants, to ask my cousin to repeat the act she’d done on Wednesday, but I was able to restrain myself, mainly by gripping the couch cushions behind me so that my hands couldn’t move to my zipper.
“Showing my ass was fun, but it was nothing compared to when I showed my pussy for the first time.” She turned to face me again, that confident grin still plastered on her face. Her eyes mostly remained locked on mine, although from time to time I thought they darted to my lap. “I chose a guy, he had a little French flag icon on his cam, so I knew he wasn’t anywhere around me. So even though he saw my face I decided to let him be the first to see my pussy. He asked how old I was, and I told him that I was eleven.” If true, that meant she’d been doing this for quite some time. “Then he said something about me being too young to be on here, and I stood on my chair, and pulled down my pants and panties.” She wasn’t wearing pants today, but to emphasize the point, the kilt lifted, and I once again got a good look at her pussy. My eyes couldn’t leave it once it was exposed. “You should have seen his eyes bug out. He just stared for a few seconds, a little like you’re doing, and then his hand went into his lap. I couldn’t see, but I knew what he was doing, and it was so exciting. I mean, I made somebody do that. It was like I had a magic power to control people. I posed and showed him my ass too.” She twirled at this, just long enough for me to see her behind once more. “He must have been watching for a minute when he suddenly disappeared. I don’t think he left on purpose, cause his hands were busy, I think it must have been a glitch. The next guy was some old guy, and my pussy was already showing, so I let him look. I could tell he liked it, just by his face, but then he pointed the camera down and started jacking off too. Pretty soon he was cumming, but then he started asking me questions, so I closed the window. I’d had enough for one day.”
I wondered what would have happened if I stuck with ChatRoulette and had stumbled on my cousin flashing back then. Could I have turned her away from that path? Or would I have looked and asked to see more? “I thought you said you liked it.”
“I did. I felt like I’d just run a lap in gym, and I was all flush, and warm and tingly down there like I’d never felt before. It was good, but I didn’t want to overdo it and get stupid. But I really loved it. Just thinking about it later gave me that butterflies-in-the-stomach feel. I didn’t really know how to masturbate then, but I squeezed my legs together a lot in bed thinking about it.” The kilt dropped, and I could once again look her in the eye. “So I started doing it regularly, whenever I could get on the computer alone. Like I said, it was really exciting that I could get guys to jack off, even guys who didn’t think they wanted to, who said I was too young. It made me feel, more alive than ever and, I don’t know, special. Eventually, I ran into Serge.”
“Surge?” I said, thinking it was a screen name.
“Yeah, Sergei. He’s from Russia. He was the one who told me about exhibitionism. By this time I already had a system. I’d talk to people on ChatRoulette, or sometimes Omegle. I’d ask them where they were. If they were from America, I ‘Next’ed them. I was too scared someone would be from nearby and recognize me. But if not, I’d talk to them and show them anything they asked me to… sometimes even if they didn’t ask. Usually guys the ones who asked wanted to see my tummy first.” She pulled open her shirt, just wide-enough to completely expose her stomach, but remaining technically decent, the fabric seeming to get stuck under her breasts, but only momentarily, as though they could be exposed any second. “I guess they were testing me, to see if I’d be willing. Then they’d ask to see my boobs.” Her nipples made another appearance, but this time Lily went farther and pulled her arms out of the sleeves and let the top drop to the ground. “By this time I was getting naked if they asked me.” She slid the skirt down her legs and stepped out of it. She wasn’t naked yet, though, there were still those long socks. Somehow that seemed even dirtier that she left them on. “Sometimes, I’d spread.” One of her hands crept down her navel and to the little slit, where her fingers pried the lips apart and displayed the soft, pink, glistening interior. “I did all that to Serge, and he said I was quite the little exhibitionist. I had to ask him what he meant, and he told me, about how some special people get turned on from being watched… he asked me about how I felt and told me he could show me how to make it better. He taught me how to masturbate. Other guys had asked me to rub myself before, but I just thought it was part of the show, usually I did it once and then stopped.”
The fingers had stopped prying and now were digging, pushing that malleable flesh around, and making something of a wet shlicking sound. “I spent an hour talking to him, and I had my first real orgasm. He was so nice, too, he told me he had lots of ideas for how to make it better for me, so for the first time I wanted to keep talking to someone again. He gave me a link to a chat room, and then from there there was this Russian webcam site he set up for me, so I could broadcast for some of his friends, and I could see them all rubbing their dicks while they watched me do what they wanted.”
Now my own urge to masturbate was tempered by a new desire… to find this Serge and kill him. “He even bought me a Skype account and an account on a proxy server so I could be safer and never be caught, even if I went on a public webcam site with hundreds of viewers. We moved to Facebook after his private webcam site got shut down, most of the friends there are people he recommended. I like it better this way, I get more of an audience. I barely go on ChatRoulette anymore, it’s usually too boring just one on one, and they never see you again. It’s more fun with people who, like, get addicted to seeing me, like Serge, who beg me to do stuff.”
“I don’t think this Serge guy is really that great a guy,” I said. “He’s been using you. He just wants to see you naked.”
She pouted. “So what? He’s seen it plenty. He’s not using me. We’re friends. We both get things we want. He gets to see me naked, I get an audience. I’m an exhibitionist, I NEED an audience.”
I shook my head. “He’s just convinced you of that.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s true. Do you know how much better it is masturbating when someone’s watching? It’s nowhere near as good when I’m alone. If I want to cum and I’m not online, I have to imagine that I’m making a video for somebody, or that somebody’s watching and touching themselves.” She looked at me. “Are you going to, or what? Cause I’ve been doing my best here to turn you on. If I didn’t see your boner through your pants I’d be insulted.”
“Why are you trying to turn me on?” I finally asked. It’d been on my mind forever. Clearly, she wanted to… she invited me to her site, and had to add me to the list of people with access to all the hardcore pictures. “I’m not some anonymous stranger like everybody else.”
She bit her lip adorably. “Because I chose you. I decided I’m ready to have sex…” She took a step closer to me, putting her chest practically in my face. “And I want you to be the one to pop my cherries.”
I turned my head away from that nipple, which stood out like a little bead on her skin. It seemed to take all of my strength and willpower to do it. “It’s ‘cherry’, not ‘cherries’.”
I said it to point out that she was too young to have sex, since she didn’t even know the proper term, but she corrected me, proving herself more worldly than I in that respect. “No, it’s cherries. Girls have three. You already took my mouth cherry, but I still want to try actual sex, and anal.” She edged even closer. If my head wasn’t turned aside, I could be kissing that erect nipple. Down below, I felt like I was going to explode.
“Me?” I squeaked. “Why me?”
“Because I trust you. I know you won’t tell anybody. And you have your own place, so we can do it all we want. And I always liked you. You never talked down to me.” She paused. “Well, not until lately, anyway.”
“I’m just trying to protect you,” I mumbled.
“I know,” she whispered. “So I was right to choose you, wasn’t I? I know you want it, I know you’ve wanted me for a while.” Where did she get that idea? It was only since seeing those pictures that I had any thoughts about that. She placed one hand on the bulge between my legs. My dick jerked, let out a little precum, making a small wet spot. If she touched much more, it would become a large wet spot. “You sure want me right now. And you’re still refusing, because you want to protect me. But I’m telling you, my mind is made up. I want to have sex… so you can be my first and you can protect me, or I can find somebody else who might not care as much.”
At some point, no matter your intentions, you reach a point when your urges win out. Maybe Jesus would be able to resist this level of temptation, but I was just a man. “Okay,” I said, turning back towards her.
Her face just lit up when I looked at it. “Good!” she said, and took a step back. “How about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?” I cried, almost whined. She wasn’t just an exhibitionist, she was a sadist.
“Mom’ll be missing me if I’m too late today,” she explained. “Besides, I want it to be special and last a while. If we did it right now I think you’d blow right away.” She giggled and looked down at my crotch again. “Tomorrow I can say I’m going to a friend’s to study.”
“But…” I nodded down to my crotch.
“Well, maybe you should have jacked off,” she said teasingly. “Then you’d be done.” I groaned a little, and she put on a theatrical sigh. “Okay, if you want, I’ll stay naked and pose for you while you finish up. Aren’t you lucky your cousin’s an exhibitionist?”
If that was all I was going to get, at that point, I’d take it. I unzipped and hauled my dick free at least, provoking a feeling of relief that felt remarkably like I’d been trapped underwater and finally been able to take a breath.
Lily began posing right away, stretching out as tall as she could, and turning, with one hand on her hip and another behind her head. She looked at me and poked her tongue out, curled upwards seductively, then ran it along her lip like she’d done in the video that first made me blow my load to her.
I gathered a bit of the precum I’d been spewing out in my palm, then curled a fist around my shaft and stroked up and down slowly. I watched my cousin pose again. She was virtually completely naked, you’d think I’d get used to the sight, that there was nothing she else she could do that could get me any more aroused than I already was, but when she bent down at the waist and then gave me an upside-down look between her own legs while she clutched her ankles, it was like I’d found new peaks to rise to.
As I was getting close to shooting my wad, Lily joined me on the couch, but she sat on the far end, bent her knees and spread her legs wide apart, highlighting her pussy. At first it was just that, displaying it in various ways, running a finger casually up and down the slit, but before long that finger dug deeper and stayed longer, and soon she was masturbating with me, letting out little groans of excitement.
It was a struggle not to get up and climb on top of her, every nerve in my body was screaming about how unfair it was that I’d have to wait until tomorrow… probably the only thing that stopped me from advancing the timetable, whether Lily wanted me to or not, was the knowledge that I was only seconds away from cumming.
The pressure rose inside me and I stopped pumping and just held the base of my dick, feeling the slight, perhaps imaginary, bulge pass under my fingers on its way up to the head, the final signal before I spurted. I must have groaned, for right at that moment, Lily stopped masturbating and leaned forward with a grin on her face, watching as a jet of cum shot out.
“I never get tired of seeing that,” she said softly, when there was just a dribble of creamy white slime dribbling down towards hand. I just grunted something unintelligible. She continued to stare for a few more seconds, before abruptly hopping off the couch. “I should probably go home now.”
I watched as she flounced over to her bag, retrieved her undershorts, then put them on, and began dressing once again like an average middle school girl. She washed her hands in my kitchen, and then got ready to go.
As she gathered her things by the door, she said, “Oh, if you want to be on my friends list again, you can… but it would probably be safer if you make a fake account, too, maybe invest in a good proxy too.” She named the one she used. “Just send me a message with the word, um… ‘cherry’ in it so I know it’s you.”
The mention of her Facebook broke me out of my post-orgasm daze and reminded me. “About those pictures…”
“I’m not taking them down, Jack,” she said defiantly. “They’re mine, you’re barely in them. Besides, everybody’s already seen them.”
I was drained, both physically and emotionally, and in no mood to fight, so I didn’t press it. Maybe I’d get her to change her mind later. I shrugged. “So… see you tomorrow?” It seemed so absurdly nonchalant.
“I’m looking forward to it.”
The sad thing was, so was I, even after I’d just cum, at a time when shame would usually set in. I still couldn’t wait for the chance to pop a twelve-year-old’s cherry. What was I becoming?
The next day, at around 10, I got a message on my new, fake, Facebook account. The message was from the only friend the account had, and it said simply, “I’m coming over now.”
I’d been nervous on and off since Lily left my apartment last, but it returned with a vengeance upon reading that. I’m usually pretty calm about things, but if something was about to happen that you wanted incredibly badly, and it was also quite likely to fuck up your entire life, I don’t think you’d do much better. I paced around my apartment, cleaning up things that had already been cleaned, checking and re-checking the fridge (I’d bought a variety or refreshments for before or after… it only seemed polite), and looking out the windows, wary of police cars.
When the phone rang, I nearly jumped. “Hello?” I said cautiously into the receiver.
“It’s me.” It was Lily’s voice, a little tinny in the way that I’d become familiar with… it meant somebody was calling from the vestibule. I pressed the number to buzz her up, and then waited another agonizing three minutes until there was a soft knock at my door.
There she was in the hallway. Unlike the last few times I’d seen her, she wasn’t dressed in her school uniform. What she wore today was far more casual, a pink shirt tucked into a pair of jeans, and the ear buds of a music player tucked into her ears. She smiled and waved at me as soon as the door opened, and shut the music off. I let her in and we had that moment of silence again, before I said, “So, do you want something to drink or something?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe. What do you got?”
I opened the fridge and she leaned down beside me to look, before grabbing a bottle of fruit punch. “Ooh, my favorite.” At least I’d done something right.
“So, um, where does your mother think you are?”
“My friend Cindy’s. You met her the other day.” I wondered idly which of the girls I’d met on Wednesday flashed on ChatRoulette. “She lives three doors down. Mom wouldn’t let me walk if it was any farther, even though I go farther than that to school.” Lily popped the top off the juice and took a swig.
“She’s not liable to drop in and check, is she?”
“No, she’s feeling another migraine coming so she went to go get a massage. Besides, they’re not even home. I told her Cindy’s mom was taking us to the mall, that should cover us.”
“And what about your dad? Is he going to be worried?”
Lily shrugged. “Working.” That’s all she said, but she turned towards couch bed. “Shouldn’t this be unfolded?” she suggested.
“Yeah, I guess.” I pulled the cushions off, threw them aside, and pulled out the bed while Lily watched with a detached interest, sipping fruit punch.
When I was done, so was she, and she held the bottle out at arm’s length. “Somewhere I should put this?”
“Yeah,” I said, and took it from her, stepped into the little kitchen area, rinsed out the remainder, then deposited it in the little recycling bin near the door. I guess to some degree I was stalling, trying to put off the inevitable moment.
When I next turned around to look at Lily, her pants were down to her knees. Her shirt was already off, and if she had a bra on, it was long gone as well. She still wore a tiny pair of yellow panties, and a few animal-shaped rubber bands around one wrist, but that was all she had above her knee.
“That was fast,” I said, far more calmly than I felt.
She grinned at me as she pulled one leg free from the jeans, then the other. “I’ve gotten good at stripping down and dressing really fast,” she said. “But it’s fun being naked. If I had my own place, I’d be naked all the time. Or almost naked, anyway. Maybe just panties so I still have something to tease with.” She put her hand on her hips, then hooked her thumbs under the waistband, like she was ready to pull them down too. Instead, though, she tugged slightly upward on them, stretching them over her mound and giving her a little bit of a camel toe. “Do you like them?”
My throat was feeling suddenly dry. “Yeah.”
“So we’re going to need music, I guess. Do you mind if I use mine?” I shook my head numbly, and she bent down to her clothes pile to retrieve her mp3 player and went to my speakers.
With a confidence that must have come from experience, she stared hooking it up to play through my sound system. For a moment, the crazy thought ran through my head, “Oh my god, I’m going to lose my virginity to Justin Bieber,” but the music that came out either wasn’t his, or was a one of his lesser-known songs. Either way, I didn’t recognize it. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad.
Once she was done arranging the music, she turned back to me. “So, don’t you think you should be naked too? Or are you shy about your body?” When I didn’t answer, she rambled on. “I used to be that way, but if we’re going to have sex you should probably get over it.” She sat down on my bed and looked at me expectantly.
I wouldn’t exactly call myself body shy, but the situation was a little unusual. It was my cousin, after all. But I’d already committed to this course of action, so I had to undress. I took off my shirt first, then worked the button on my jeans, pulled them down, and stepped out of them. “There, I guess we’re even.” She still had her panties on, I still had my boxers.
“Not for long,” she said, then lay back on the bed and raised her legs in the air. Her panties went upwards along her thighs, exposing her ass and the hole of her pussy, before hooking around her knee and then disappearing off her feet. Lily tossed it, and then rolled on her side and as she casually removed her socks, she looked at me, particularly at my boxers.
I lowered them. My dick was hard, but not completely… big enough that it made what I hoped was an impressive sight as it dangled, but it didn’t stand up and out at full attention, not yet.
“See, you have a really good body, Jack,” she said, inflating my ego. I knew I wasn’t fat, but I didn’t get as much exercise as I did in high school, so I was always a little concerned that I didn’t look my best. “I knew you would. That’s part of the reason I chose you to be my first.”
Hearing her say that last line put the extra spring in my cock, and it bobbed up. It was actually a little embarrassing. “So, how exactly do you want to do this?” I said. “Do you have a particular position in mind?”
She shrugged. “You’re the one with experience, you can decide if you want.”
I could have just gone with that, but I didn’t want to lie to her, even by omission. Even if the truth was a little embarrassing. “About that…” I started. She looked up. “I’m actually… um… I’ve never actually had sex before.”
Her head visibly drew back, as though surprised. “You’re bullshitting me.”
“No,” I insisted.
Her mouth hung open a moment. “But you had a girlfriend. For, like, years.”
“She made, like, one of those chastity pledges.”
“Ohhh,” she said knowingly. “One of those. So you must have done anal, then, right? Everyone knows that doesn’t count.”
I shook my head. “I’ve never even had a blowjob until… Wednesday.”
“Oh my god, you poor guy… That’s just crazy.” But surprise gradually changed into a look of quiet pride on her face, like she’d just realized she’d taken my blowjob cherry too. Suddenly, a thought seemed to strike her and she said, “You know, a lot of guys would just have cheated, and got some on the side.”
My friends had suggested that, numerous times. But I really did love my ex, at the time. When she told me she wanted to break up because we were going to two different colleges and the long-distance thing wouldn’t work, I was depressed for weeks. The worst of it is, it only took two months of college to turn her into something of a party-girl. While I didn’t have proof she’d broken her chastity pledge, her own Facebook profile started to fill up with pictures of her drinking and hanging off random guys. I’d be surprised if I learned she was still a virgin.
I could have cheated while we together, easily. There had been offers. Some were casual, from the obviously sluttier girls in class, and one serious one from my lab partner and friend. During an assignment we had to do at her place, she told me flat out that we could have sex all I wanted and she’d never tell. I turned her down, and by the time I was single again she was studying in Europe. Sometimes, looking back, and considering how things turned out with my ex, I wish I’d accepted one of those offers, but when it came right down to it I’m glad I remained loyal. I didn’t want to be That Guy. “I guess I’m not most guys,” I told Lily.
She nodded. “Good. I knew I made the right choice with you.” Her voice went soft. “I hate cheaters.” The words had an undertone of hurt behind them, and I wondered if maybe some other boy had broken her heart. Before I could ask, she continued, “In fact, that’s one of my rules. I don’t do private shows for anybody with a girlfriend or wife. I don’t care if they look at the pictures, that’s no different than porn, but if a guy and I are getting off together and I find out later he’s got a girlfriend, he’s banned forever.” She looked up to me and said, “Enough about that. So we’re both virgins. What do you say we fix that for both of us?”
I smiled a little. “Sure.”
She patted the bed beside her. “Why don’t you join me here?”
She rolled over, and I lay down in the spot she left, facing her. She reached out a tentative hand towards my cock, and when I didn’t stop her, put her hand around it and stroked it softly. “So what do you want to do first?”
I thought about it. Actually, I’d thought extensively about it long before doing things with Lily ever became a possibility… that’s what virgins do, think about sex. And I’d learned certain things from porn, from sex advice columns, from friends… I didn’t want to be a selfish lover, foreplay was important, and there was one thing in particular. “I could lick you, down there, if you want,” I suggested. “Get you ready.”
Her answer surprised me. “No.”
“No?” I repeated. I knew some girls were self-conscious about that, but I didn’t think Lily would be one of those. She said she was an exhibitionist, and oral sex involves a lot of looking directly at her most intimate parts.
She shook her head. “It’s not that I don’t want to. But… I want to save some things. For when I have a real boyfriend. That’s one of them.”
“Okay,” I said. It was a little strange. Most people save sex for the boyfriend. “Anything else you want to save?”
“Kissing. I mean, on the lips. I mean, I’m sure that’s not high on your list or anything, but I only want to kiss my boyfriend.” She shrugged. “Other than that, I’m pretty open. You can finger me if you want, or suck on my nipples. Or we can just get right to the fucking. I think I’d personally prefer to get it over with, you know. So we don’t have to be nervous anymore.” She didn’t seem nervous. Maybe she was picking up on my own anxieties. She continued, in a matter-of-fact tone, “I’m thinking we should do it with me on top, you on your back for the first time. You know, cowgirl style. That way you get the best view of me.” I marveled again at the strangeness of it all… this young girl behaved as though she were much more an expert in sex than I was. Even though we were both virgins, it felt like she was here to teach me.
“Okay,” I said. “I, uh, got some condoms.”
“Do we really need them?” she complained. “For our first time, I want to feel you… I want to feel what sex is really like. And if you’re telling the truth about you being a virgin, it’s not like we have to worry about diseases.”
“What about… pregnancy? You know, you can get pregnant even on the first time.”
“I know. But I’m safe,” she insisted. “Please? For our first time?”
It wasn’t very responsible of me, but I let her win that one. I didn’t want a condom between us either. So I let out a reluctant breath and said “Okay.”
“Good.” She slid towards the side, giving me room to take up the center of the bed. “Get on your back.”
I rolled over and lay there, nearly spread-eagle. I never pictured myself being this passive for my first time, but there I was, waiting for my young cousin to take the initiative. She climbed on top of me, and I felt the pleasant sensation of her weight on top of me. I wasn’t inside her yet, she was straddling my hips and pinning my dick between her and my stomach. Then, she shifted her hips a touch and I felt a warm sliminess as her crack rubbed up against my shaft. It was surprising how slick she was. I’ve heard of girls getting wet. I’d even felt it once when Lily forced my hand to her pussy, but, maybe because I was still a little in shock at the time, it didn’t really register how surprising it was. Now, as she slowly slid up and down what was normally the underside of my dick, it was like she was coating it with a layer of oil.
“I can’t believe it,” she marveled. “We’re actually going to do it.”
“Yeah,” I said. I’m a lot less wordy, it seems, when I’m highly aroused. As good as it felt with her on me like that, I wanted her to raise up a foot so I could aim myself at her hole and get it over with… all the teasing was starting to kill me.
It was about to get worse, though, not better. She stopped moving and settled herself down on me. “Before we get started though we should really discuss the rules.”
“Rules?” It was the first she mentioned anything about rules, and a fine time to do it.
“If we’re going to do this. Like, the first rule’s obvious. No telling anyone we know. That means you can’t tell my parents about my Facebook page either.” I nodded, wanting to get the rules over with. “Rule two, no cheating on anybody. We can do this as long as we both enjoy it, but it stops if either of start dating somebody else.”
“Fine,” I said. It seemed like a remarkably mature attitude.
“Rule three, you don’t get to tell me what to do. You can give me advice if you’re nice about it, but the only people who have any say in my life are my parents, and I don’t always listen to them, and my boyfriend when I get one.”
I nodded, hurriedly, barely even aware of what she was saying. It didn’t seem to matter. By this point, since telling her parents was out of the question, offering advice was all I could do anyway.
“Okay. Then we’re just about ready to go. There’s just one more thing.” She hopped off me, and my dick sprang back up and seemed to jerk around as though, on its own, it was looking for a hole. But Lily was gone, off the bed. I turned to see her bend down at her clothes, and then turn back to me, clutching something in her hand. She bounced back on the bed, climbed on top again, and once more put my manhood in a tight squeeze between her body and mine. She put what she was holding on my chest.
It was a camera. “What…”
“You have to take pictures when I say,” she explained. “For my page.”
It was the hardest of all the things she asked. “But…”
She anticipated my objections, and rose to her defense. “It’s my fetish,” she said emphatically. “You want me to enjoy it, right? Well, thinking of all those people, looking at me later, jerking off, that makes me so hot.” She resumed that slow, slimy slide back and forth. “It’s not a big deal, it’s friends only, remember? And your face won’t ever be in any, I promise, just your dick.” I didn’t answer right away, just stared up at her. At first she was determined, but then an almost worried expression took over, like she didn’t want me to say no. “If you won’t,” she added finally, “I’ll choose someone else for my first time, someone who thinks about my sexual needs.”
Or, more likely, who doesn’t, who abuses her, maybe even rapes her after laughing at her request. If I were truly evil, I’d have done that already, as turned on as I was. If I was truly good, I’d have turned her down and talked to her parents, and damned be the consequences. But I’m somewhere in between, and in between the urgent pressure between my legs and the vulnerable look on her face, there was only one thing to do. I couldn’t bear to disappoint her, and I couldn’t resist her temptations. I picked up the camera. “Okay,” I said.
That worried look shut off in a flash, and she smiled, and then launched into a quick explanation of how to work the camera. It wasn’t really needed, it was pretty self-explanatory. After that, she instructed, “One just before we do it, and then one when you’re in, those are the most important. After that, take what you want. Get as much of me as you can in the shot, though. Close-ups are nice once in a while, but they could be anybody, I want them seeing what I look like when I’m making… I mean having sex. Ready?”
I held the camera up close to my face and nodded. At the zoom level, I could see all of her in the little screen, as she raised up on her knees. She held my dick up in one hand and aimed it at her hole, as she looked forward expectantly, like she knew exactly what she was doing. I snapped the picture, more than anything else just so that we could start.
Finally, she began to drop down, and this time, instead of pinning my shaft, the head of my dick gently pushed apart the lips of her vulva, seemed to snag for an infinitesimal moment, then slipped into her hole. She slid downward with a soft groan… or maybe the groan was mine, it was hard to tell at that point.
At first I was surprised, even a little disappointed that it went in so easily, there was no moment of sudden resistance once I’d entered the hole, just slow steady progress, but then I remembered… while she was a virgin, she had no physical cherry to pop. I’d seen pictures she’d posted with other things in there, things that would have torn a hymen to shreds.
As though reading my mind, once settled down and with me all the way inside her, she had a dreamy look on her face and said, “Oh, yeah, that feels much better than a cucumber.” Any practice she had with other phallic objects still left her very tight though, it looked, and felt, like there was no room to spare.
I lifted the camera again, remembering her instruction to take another picture when we were all the way inside, but also because that expression on her face, that little upturned corner of her mouth in a satisfied smirk, like she’d just discovered a fun secret the whole world was doing its best to hide from her, it cried out to be preserved. After I did so, I decided to take a close-up of the place where our genitals met.
That seemed to inspire her to more energy, or maybe she’d just savored the moment enough. She started bouncing up and down, and although it felt incredible, I got my first disappointment of the night. The music in the background, which was hovering just below consciousness before, now insisted on my attention, as I heard the familiar, overplayed chorus, “Oh baby, baby, baby, ohhh..” At some point I hadn’t noticed, the last song ended and Bieber had begun. I’d lost my virginity to a Justin Bieber song, and I’d now I’d have to remember it for the rest of my life.
It was a small price to pay. I guess if you’re losing it to your twelve-year-old cousin, it might as well be to an insipid teen pop song, and it’s not like I could ever tell anybody the real story anyway. I pushed the music out of my mind, and put the camera down, but within easy reach, as Lily continued to ride me. My hands slid up her legs to her waist and I helped direct her. She was light, I could lift her with hardly any effort. Hell, I could bounce her up and down like a ragdoll just by pumping my ass, and for a time, that seemed like what I was doing, although Lily’s spirited and enthusiastic performance probably magnified the effect.
It was a performance, no doubt about that. She had her eyes open the entire time, watching me, making sure I was watching her, and her body and face moved in ways that looked like they were stolen right out of porn movies… biting her lip, putting her hands behind her head, chest and elbows thrust forward, or squeezing her breasts, or every so often she reaching one hand down to rub at her clit, at least until I helped do that for her. Most of all, she was vocal, repeating phrases like, “Oh, yeah, oh yeah,” interspersed with the occasional “mmm” or “fuck me”. The artifice behind it was obvious, especially when she held poses as soon as I lifted the camera, but that didn’t stop it from being sexy as hell, maybe just because she was trying so hard.
Underneath all that performance, though, I think she did enjoy it. It was damned strange, that her efforts to look like she was having a great time were covering up the evidence that she really was, but every so often I’d hear a catch in her breath that felt genuine, or a moan that was too convincing, because it was guttural and not something that you’d think sounded sexy unless you heard it breaking through in the moment. More than that, there was the way her body itself responded. You can fake moans and looks of bliss, but her nipples were tight, erect little points, and her pussy not only gripped me, it seemed to squeeze on me with a natural rhythm. That seemed to get more frequent when I took her picture, like she was thinking of other people looking at it later and it caused her pussy to spasm a little.
I did take a few more pictures, partly to make her happy, but also to control the pace. If I thought I was getting close to cumming, I’d raise the camera and she’d slow down so I could get a clear shot, and I’d get a few seconds for the urge to pass. That trick didn’t work very long, though… I soon reached a point when it didn’t matter how slowly she moved, or even if she moved at all, the pleasure would continue to mount until it was too much to bear.
When that point came, Lily’s cries of pleasure were growing higher in pitch, and, maybe it was just because of my own approaching climax, but at that moment I believed they were genuine. I groaned and closed my eyes, clutched the soft and pliable round of her ass, and pumped up and down for all my worth. She cried out sharply right as my balls exploded and I experienced a moment of bliss so perfect I was almost certain I would wake from it to find it was all a wet dream… but I didn’t, I hung in that moment as several jets of what felt like pure energy squirted out of me, while I emptied myself into my cousin’s womb.
Suddenly I had to exhale… I’d been holding it in, as I always did while I came. That seemed to signal “the end” for Lily. She stopped moving and rolled off me, and began catching her own breath. “Wow,” she said. “We are definitely doing that again.” She turned to look at me and added, “Right?”
I nodded. “Not right away, though.”
She smiled at me. “But it was pretty good, right?”
“It was…” I was at a loss for words. “Incredible,” I finished. It seemed like that description fell far short.
“And hey, now we’re not virgins.” She propped herself up on one elbow and felt for something among the sheets. Finally, she found her camera. “And I have some great shots for my page.”
The page. I still didn’t feel right about it, even if I got into taking the pictures in the moment, I knew it was a bad thing, a time bomb waiting to explode. Her friends page was full of perverts led by a Russian guy named Serge who had taken an innocent girl exploring her sexuality and brainwashed her into becoming masturbation fodder for God only knows who. I couldn’t just let it be.
While I tried to figure out how to broach the subject, Lily climbed off the bed and walked around, looking down at herself, at her pussy. Suddenly, she rose one leg and put her foot on the radiator near my window, and aimed the camera directly at her slit. I rolled on my side, instinctively pulling the covers over myself. “What are you doing?” Thankfully, my blinds were closed, as they almost always were. If they weren’t, there was a chance somebody could see her through the window.
“Taking the ‘after’ pictures,” she explained patiently, as though I should have guessed. I probably should have. She massaged the flesh around her pussy, and complained, “I was hoping more of your cum would come out. You can barely see anything.” It seemed to me that a lot actually had come out. I could see glistening along the top of her thighs, and there was certainly a puddle around my crotch that had flowed out as she slipped off. Maybe she was expecting more of the creamy white color. She snapped another picture, looked at it, and shrugged. “Next time can you pull out and squirt some of it on the outside?”
“Look, about these pictures?”
“You agreed,” she said, a little pout on her face. “You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
“I’m just trying to give you some advice. This kind of thing can ruin your life… it can be dangerous. Not just for you, now.”
“I’m not going to tell on you,” she said. Her leg dropped back to the ground, but she stayed where she was, like she didn’t want to look at me.
“That’s not what I’m worried about.” At least, it wasn’t all I was worried about.
“I know there are risks, but I’m being careful. Anyway, you don’t have to worry about me, you’re not my boyfriend or anything.”
“Maybe not, but I care about you, and I am worried. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Yeah, well, just drop it, okay?” she said softly, even a little sadly. “I appreciate the advice but I’ve got this.” Then her face brightened, and she said, “Do you mind if I grab another drink? Sex really does work up a thirst.”
It was a transparent attempt to change the subject, but I let her have it for now. “Go ahead.” How do you talk somebody out of a dangerous course when they’re sure they’re going to be okay? At least, how do you do it without sounding patronizing or condescending? I’m sure Lily wouldn’t react well to that.
She tottered off, still buck naked, into my little kitchen area, and returned with another fruit punch. “So, I was thinking,” she said after her first sip. “We usually only ever see each other on Mondays, Wednesdays, or Fridays, right? I guess you’re busy the other days?”
“I have late classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, yeah.”
She nodded. “Okay. So how about this… on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I’ll just come here after school and wait for you. We can have some fun before I have to go home. I mean, I may not be able to come every time, but if I can, I’ll come and wait for you outside your apartment.”
“Okay,” I agreed. My drained prick stirred briefly at the thought of having her three days a week. Then, I worried about neighbors seeing her. “Did anybody see you waiting when you were here Friday?”
She shook her head, and anticipated my worry. “But if anyone does, I’ll just tell them you’re my cousin, and that you’re watching me after school.” She grinned for a moment, and added, “I’ll even act all sulky and disappointed.” She put on a little half pout, and then went to put the bottle down on a table. Immediately after, she crawled back on the bed and towards me. “So, are you ready to go ahead for our second time?”
I groaned. “Almost. Maybe give it a few minutes.” I probably could go right away, if I tried, but I wanted to be sure, I didn’t want to suddenly go limp on her.
“Maybe I could give it a little help…” she offered. She pulled back the sheet and uncovered me once again as I got on my back. While I no longer had a full, rigid erection, I was definitely getting aroused again, I had some length and heft, but it was a little floppy. She grabbed it and wiggled it back and forth, almost hard enough to cause pain, but thankfully she stopped short of that.
Instead, she shifted a little on the bed until she could pop about half of my penis in her mouth. There it grew as her lips formed a seal on it, and her eyes looked up at me over my belly. While it wasn’t as tight as her hole, it was warm and the gentle suction felt wonderful. Suddenly, she let me drop out of her mouth. “Hold on,” she said, and left the bed once more.
I should have guessed, she returned seconds later with her camera, which she’d left on my kitchen counter. She thrust the camera towards me as she got back in the same position and filled her mouth once more. When a girl’s sucking your cock and wants you to take a picture, you take a picture. There’s really no decision about it, at least not for me.
After about half a minute of this, she seemed to suddenly get the idea to move her tongue, and that made it so much better. Soon I was almost as stiff as when I first saw her undress. She pulled off and asked, “Do you want me to keep sucking for a while? Or should we fuck again?”
Both options sounded good. “Which do you want?”
She spoke breathily, “I want your cock inside me again.”
I guess that could have been a vote for either option, but I interpreted it in the way I thought she meant, which was also the option I preferred. I pulled myself into a seated position. “Okay then, but I don’t want to be on the bottom this time.”
She grinned and crawled on her hands and knees. “We showed off my front last time, we could do it doggy style this time, show off my ass.” She wiggled it a little. “Or should we save that for anal?”
I’ve already mentioned that I was in love with the shape of her ass, above all her other parts, so the thought of taking her from behind, my fingers sinking into that tight but yielding flesh, was appealing as hell, but for some reason I hesitated. Maybe it was just a desire to save it for later. I’m also the kind of guy who eats the favorite parts of my meal last. Or maybe it was her mention of anal. I’m a little squeamish about it, despite all the hype, and if I was staring at her ass while fucking her, then it might be all I could think about. Whatever the reason, I said, “Nah, get on your back.”
Lily obliged immediately, rolling over and spreading her legs apart. I drew up close to her on the bed, face to face, close enough to kiss her on the lips if that wasn’t against our rules. Although I didn’t think of it consciously, I guess I had some idea of trying to take the exhibitionism aspect out of the equation, that sex could still be fun if I wasn’t staring at her while we did it, if I wasn’t ready to take pictures for others to see, if we just had our bodies pressed together and enjoyed the way it felt.
She scooted backwards. Not a lot, and not like she was scared, but enough to rise and rest on her elbows, which made me also draw back. Whether her move was conscious or not, it, combined with the way her gaze was focused at where we would be joined, sent a message… viewing distance was important. I could have pressed forward again, she would have run out of bed eventually, but decided not to push my luck yet. Besides, my attention had been caught by her chest. The way she was, belly almost horizontal but upper torso inclining upwards, it gave her more of a hint of boobs. Not big ones, but the shape was there more than ever before. When she lay on her back, what she had seemed to melt away and she looked flat.
I reached out with one hand to lay there, on that developing breast, and when I felt the smooth skin, felt compelled to give it a little squeeze. It was soft, yielding just a little before I felt her breastbone underneath, and an insane belief I might break her made me hold back from squeezing any harder. Lily didn’t look hurt, she just smiled at me. My thumb drifted a little, until it found her nipple, sticking up.
I wondered how it would taste, and then realized I didn’t have to wonder. She’d given me permission, at least for that. So I leaned down and gave it a little kiss, my tongue extended just to the edge of my lips. She shivered at the contact, although I wasn’t cold, and I heard her inhale. The taste wasn’t anything to speak of, a little like mild sweat, not unpleasant but nothing memorable either, but that soft gasp will remain with me always. I kissed along from one nipple to the other and let my hand drift down between her legs, where it was very wet, but I didn’t get to enjoy her long before she giggled and said, “I thought we were going to fuck again…”
The way she said it, I had to take it as a hint, rather than just surprise. I guess she wanted to get right to it. I guess that’s the dream of a lot of guys, a girl who has no interest in foreplay, but I was kind of enjoying the sensual tease. I think she liked what I was doing too, and I didn’t understand why she’d want to cut it short, but I was pretty hard, so I was ready to indulge her. I repositioned myself so that my dick was once again poised at the slick entrance to her hole. She watched me slide the head up and down it, and then started looking around, and I realized she was looking for the camera.
With an unvoiced sigh in my head, I grabbed it from under a fold in the cover, and took a series of pictures as I entered. After that I concentrated less on photography and more on action, sliding in and out. Last time it was mostly her show, controlling the pace, but this time I led. I kept the camera clutched into one hand, mostly to reassure Lily that I might use it again, even though I didn’t plan on taking any more pictures unless she asked.
I took it slowly for the first few strokes, but then began steadily building in speed. It felt wonderful being inside her, not just the tightness and warmth, but also the sensation of… closeness. It was new, but it felt disturbingly normal… like it was the natural state for me, and I’d just been incomplete all my life before when I wasn’t fucking her. I hadn’t noticed it the first time, but this time, the sense of desperate urgency wasn’t there and I could feel the connection between us.
The connection was physical, but not entirely emotional. The artificial nature of what we were doing could never be forgotten, and in fact was only further emphasized by Lily’s porn-movie patter. This time around, her repetitions of, “Oh, yeah, fuck me, fuck me hard, give it to me” were less charming and just reminded me of the thing that kept us apart… the Audience. It was like she couldn’t just let go and enjoy it, she always had her Audience in the back of her mind.
That was hammered home when, after about a minute or so of vigorous thrusting, her cries stopped and she said, more seriously, “Don’t you think we should get this on video? Pictures don’t really cut it, you know, for my friends?”
I slowed, almost to a stop. “I’m really not comfortable with that.”
She frowned just a little and said, with a sigh in her voice, “Fine…” After a moment of disgruntled silence, she began moving into me again, and moaning, but the illusion, fragile as it was to begin with, was all but shattered.
That inspired me to action. I really wanted her to enjoy this, at least as much as I did, and I figured I had two choices. Either I could give in to her demands and find out how to record video, or I could try to give her my very best. Of course, for somebody who was a virgin before that day, that was a tall order, but I wanted to try to break her of this exhibitionism thing, not feed into it.
The only thing that came to mind, aside from simply being more energetic, was my earlier idea to try to push the closeness, the physical connection, the part that made the experience not just exciting but sublime. So, as I thrust, I also leaned into her, endeavoring to put as much of my skin in contact with as much of hers as I could, practically enveloping her, pinning her and putting my face a hair’s breadth from hers. I could have kissed her, thought about it, but it was against the rules and might well freak her out, but our faces touched at the side.
That position made thrusting a little slower… it was hard to get the leverage I needed, but it felt like I went deeper, too… probably just my imagination. The song playing in the background was better, at least, even if it was a cover I didn’t recognize, probably by those kids from Glee or something.
Lily didn’t respond quite how I imagined, her eyes closed and her porn-star cries started to slowly die down. For a moment I worried I might be hurting her, especially when I felt her shifting under me, like she was trying to get away, but her legs held me tight and I soon realized her hands were trying to find mine, and when one did, she squeezed it tight. By this point, her vocabulary had shrunk to the word “yes,” repeated softly and infrequently. Finally she grew completely silent and, after a moment where her hole clenched around me in what felt like a vice grip, she slumped, like she’d turned into jelly. I still held her hand but I was doing most of the work. I continued thrusting, but more slowly, the pre-cumming sensation was creeping up on me, but I wanted to savor it. Cumming the second time in a row, nearly, the sensation is much less intense but longer lasting, and I hovered in a pleasant haze for almost a minute before I released into her.
This time I had to roll away first, catching my breath. We were quiet for a long time, before I finally spoke. “You okay?” Maybe I had hurt her.
She nodded. “Yeah. Just… that was good.” Her lips parted in a wide smile, showing teeth.
I returned the smile. “The first time wasn’t?”
“It was, but this was better. Like, loads better.”
I had to ask. “You didn’t have an orgasm the first time, did you?”
“No. It felt great, don’t get me wrong, I mean I loved it, but…” She trailed off. “That second time, though… whew.”
I suppose if there was a good way to find out the girl you were with faked an orgasm it’s because the second time you managed to give her a real one. “Well, I’m glad I could give you at least one. I mean, I got two.”
“Girls don’t cum as easily as guys,” she said, as though passing down received wisdom from some sex education expert, or maybe just schoolgirl gossip. “It’s not a competition. Besides, the first time got me most of the way there.” Then she giggled. “But I’m glad I got one too.” She bit her bottom lip a little, and it was a perfect moment until she spoiled it by adding, “You know what would have made it even better, though? If we did it on video.”
I grimaced. “Lily…”
“I know, I know,” she said. “You’re not comfortable. But even if your face wasn’t in it? It could be like P.O.V. Porn.”
“I’d rather not.”
“Yeah. I figured you’d say that,” she said, as though resigned to it. Then she smiled. “But I’m going to keep trying to change your mind.” She looked down at herself. “Shit, you forgot to leave some cum on the outside.”
“Right,” I said, looking down at her mound. “Sorry.’
“I guess we’ll try to remember for next time. Or maybe the time after next time.” I must have given her a puzzled expression, because she explained. “Well, next time, we have one more virginity to take care of. How long before you’re ready again?”
My cousin was insatiable, it seemed. And a bit of a freak. “Today?” I let out an involuntary groan. “I don’t know, half an hour at least, but…” I was going to suggest we put it off for another day, but she interrupted me again.
“It’s okay if you’re not as big and hard as normally, that works better, right?”
“I guess so…”
“Okay, so, we have at least half an hour to kill… got anything to eat?”
I made Lily a sandwich, and then, feeling self-conscious about the sweat I built up, took a quick shower while she ate. When I returned, I was dressed, and Lily was still naked, and looking out the window. The blinds were totally open. I instinctively panicked. “What are you doing?”
“Just checking out your view.”
I moved quickly to try and nudge her out of the way. “Somebody might see you!”
She shrugged. “I am an exhibitionist, remember?”
“Yeah, and you’re also twelve. You could get me in a lot of trouble.”
“Relax, you know what the odds are of somebody looking?”
If I was more rational, I’d have had to agree it was pretty unlikely. My window looked out over a bunch of low buildings, houses, stores, streets. It wasn’t like somebody could be looking out their window and see her, they would have had to be in a distant building using a telescope, or nearby and looking up, and in either case, specifically at my window. Even then, they might not have been able to tell Lily was naked. But considering the consequences if I was wrong, I wasn’t able to be rational. I closed the blinds quickly. “Too high.”
“Nobody cares. Even if they saw me they’d just think I lived here or something and that they got a cheap thrill.” She seemed more amused than anything else, though, and let me off the hook by heading towards my bathroom. “I should probably take a shower too, I’m sure it’ll be better if I’m all squeaky clean.”
Unlike me, Lily left the bathroom door open, but my shower had one of those frosted doors. I couldn’t really see anything unless she left that open too, and she didn’t, probably because it would have gotten water everywhere. She’s a good kid that way.
Instead she kept up a conversation with me, a perfectly normal one, about college, what classes were like, what the girls were like, what they wore, broken up only occasionally with filthy interjections like, “I’m scrubbing my butthole so clean you could eat off it!” or “Wow, that’s a lot of cum you gave me, it’s still coming out!” I answered her questions as best as I could from the couch, and didn’t know how to respond to the rest. Finally, she emerged, clean, rubbing a towel lightly through her hair but otherwise wearing nothing. The sight was no longer shocking, but with her hair wet and clinging to her head and back it made her look fantastic, like she was some kind of water nymph brought to life in my apartment. “So, can I ask you something?”
“Why’d you get dressed after your shower?”
I looked down at myself, feeling a little silly. I wasn’t completely dressed, but I did put on boxers. I did it without thinking, and she hadn’t mentioned it when I first came out, so I’d forgotten about it. “I don’t know, I guess I’m not as comfortable walking around naked as you are.”
“If you ask me,” she said simply, but not unkindly, “that’s a character flaw.”
I gave her an amused half-smile. “It is?”
“Of course it is. You’ve got a good body, and a cute cock…” I tried not to be offended. I think she meant that in the most positive of ways, but ‘cute’ is not the description guys like applied to their dicks. At least she saw having sex with your underage cousin to be less of a character flaw than putting clothes on unnecessarily. “So why be ashamed of it? Just a load of guilt for nothing. You should show it off.”
“I’m not the exhibitionist here.”
“Not yet, but we can work on that. And we’re not exactly in public. I have seen it before, and I’m going to see it again, right?” I nodded. “So? What do you say?”
She pounced up on the bed beside me, waving her butt next to my face. “Ready to take those off and find out what anal’s like?”
She did have a very cute butt, and seeing it wiggling like that made me smile and also breathed some new life in my penis. It swelled, a little more reluctantly than usual but enough to tell me it was ready to do the job.
I stood and dropped the boxers and approached Lily from behind. “Pictures first, remember,” she said. “Unless you want to go for video this time.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Well it’s one or the other.” So I found where she’d left the camera and took some pictures that featured her ass, crawling around on her hands and knees looking seductive, and some where she spread her cheeks and showed off her butthole. It was a perfect little asterisk, just a shade darker than the surrounding flesh.
Next, I had one hand on her right butt cheek, pulling it to the side, and took a picture of that. It made a good picture, but for me, the joy was more in feeling that wondrous little buttock… if I squeezed hard enough I felt like I could feel the bone beneath, but I didn’t care, what padding there was, was plenty enough for me.
Lily wanted a picture immediately before, and immediately after, but we only got the one. As I approached her sphincter with my rod, I took the before picture with the head resting gently on the hole. “Okay,” I said, and then something surprising happened. She tensed up. I could feel it in my left hand, still holding her ass cheek, as it suddenly went taut. “Relax,” I said, and she did, but when I touched her anus again, she once again went stiff. It seemed her whole lower body was clenched. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes,” she said. “Just do it.”
“You’re all tensed up, you’ve got to relax or it’ll hurt.”
“Well, it’s going to hurt anyway, isn’t it?”
“Not ideally, no…” But I was as new to this as she was.
“It’ll be fine, just go for it. Keep the camera ready.”
I pushed forward again, felt her tense, and regardless, I kept pushing. I felt her asshole widen just a little as my head tried to penetrate, but then it suddenly started pushing closed, too tight to enter and it even hurt a little. “Ow, ow, ow,” Lily said.
That practically killed my erection right there. “What?” I asked. “Did I hurt you?”
“A little. Did you go in?”
“No,” I said, once again ignoring the unintentional insult. I’d hope if I went in, she’d know. “I barely touched you.”
“Sorry,” she said, and seemed like it. She took a deep breath, centered herself, and ordered, “Try again.”
“You don’t really seem like you’re into this,” I observed.
“I am,” she said. “I want to do it. It’s just…” I waited. “I’ve never had anything this big in there before.” That was a better thing to say, in terms of my ego, than some of the other things.
“What’s the biggest you’ve put in there?” I moved my thumb towards the hole, and she once again tightened up when I tried to push in, and I wasn’t even pushing in very hard.
“A Sharpie,” she said. “I never managed to get up to the cucumber.”
“And how did the Sharpie feel?”
“It hurt,” she confessed. “But everything always hurts at first. Just go and do it, I’ll push through.”
I tried once more with my thumb, and got her resistance once again. “If it hurt, why did you do it? Why did you let someone talk you in to doing that?” Maybe she thought she was preparing herself, but it might have done the opposite. I’d heard about a vicious cycle… the girl thinks it’s going to hurt, so she becomes so tense and tight that it does hurt, and every time after that, she remembers the pain and can’t relax, and it just keeps hurting and hurting. “No,” I decided finally, before she could answer. “We’re not doing it. No anal.”
She looked back at me, locking eyes with me for the first time since I made the first attempt on her ass, a flash of anger across her face. “You can’t tell me what to do, it’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything.”
“I’m not telling you what to do, I’m saying I’m not doing it. I don’t want to hurt you, so we’re not doing this.” Her expression changed, softened to something that was either disappointment or astonishment, or some combination of the two.
“But we were supposed to lose all our virginities to each other. And I wanted to have all the pictures.”
“Look, I’m not saying not ever… maybe somewhere down the line, with a lot of lube, we’ll try it again, but not today.” I had an inspiration, a way to package the idea of waiting in a way that she could understand. “Besides, anticipation’s all part of the show, right? Why give them everything right away? Shouldn’t you leave them wanting more?”
She thought about it. “I guess.” She sighed, but I think she was secretly relieved. “So if you’re not going to fuck my ass today, what are we going to do about that?” She pointed at my hard-on.
So, we had normal vaginal sex again, albeit doggy style. It’s sad and a little strange that it’s possible to talk about fucking your twelve-year-old cousin like that, but for the third time in such a short period, it felt less like an exciting, life-changing experience, and a little like we were just going through the motions. Luckily that was just because I was drained, our subsequent experiences at lovemaking captured the magic again, but that time, it was perfunctory. I didn’t make her cum this time, and my own climax wasn’t very good, but I did manage to make Lily happy by remembering to pull out and squirt on her pussy… not that there was a lot to squirt, compared to usual. Still, she got her pictures.
She hung around a little after that, we watched some TV and then played video games for an hour (she’s far better at Halo 3 than I’d have expected), but then she decided she should probably go. There was a part of me that didn’t want her to, that wanted her to stay with me forever, but it was a silly, unrealistic part.
As I walked her to the door of my apartment, she suddenly turned and hugged me tightly, burying her face in my chest, and thanked me. “Thank you too,” I said, a little too surprised by the sudden emotion to remember the old guideline about not thanking a girl for sex.
“I’ll probably put the pictures up tonight,” she said as she went through the door. “And I’ll see you Monday.”
Once she was gone, the bubble burst… that’s probably why I wished she never would. I remembered that what I did was considered by virtually the entire world to be not just a crime, but one of the worst evils imaginable. It certainly didn’t feel that way, but I couldn’t ignore the thought or the guilt that came with it as I could, mostly, when she was there.
Then of course, there was the fear, which steadily ratcheted up throughout the day as I awaited an angry phone call from her parents, who somehow sensed she had just sex and then subsequently got the whole story out of her, or for her to make a mistake while uploading that would identify me to her online ‘friends’, who would be eager to send an anonymous tip to the police out of sheer jealousy. Neither scenario came to pass. Her parents never found out, and Lily was pretty careful on her uploads and her comments. Lily never referred to me by name, only as her ‘lover’, which surprised me, but when you consider the alternatives, like ‘fuckbuddy’ or ‘friend with benefits’, or the worst option, ‘cousin’… I’d take it. It made me smile, actually, once I got used to it.
There were a lot of comments on her newest batch of pictures. Some seemed angry or disappointed, like they were pissed off that they weren’t the ones to do it and so wanted to make her feel bad, others actually tried to warn her against having too much sex, but most were supportive, I guess to encourage her to do more and provide them with more porn. The comments still served as something of an ego boost, though, because whenever somebody asked how it was, Lily was always positive and enthusiastic, saying things like, “It was so good, my lover made me cum so hard!”
I didn’t see anything that could identify me, either personally or in relation to herself, except a couple of the pictures showed a little too much of my apartment. I was paranoid for a little while that somebody who was familiar with it might be able to identify it if they saw one of the pictures, but, realistically, my place isn’t very distinctive, and I don’t have many guests. My mother might recognize it, if she could stand to look past the child porn and carefully inspect the surrounding decor. So pretty soon I calmed down to the steady, manageable level of fear of discovery I’ve lived with ever since I became a statutory rapist.
It seemed like a moot point anyway, if I got caught, I’d just get what was coming to me, what part of me thought I deserved… I’d already committed the crime, and I wouldn’t be stopping anytime soon. Once I’d tasted of the forbidden fruit, I knew I couldn’t stop.
After that day, I continued dining on forbidden fruit on a regular basis, usually having sex with my cousin at least three times a week. Our encounters after that first Saturday were usually briefer, taking place mostly on weekdays after school, but they were always fun, exciting, and satisfying, at least for me. Due to Lily’s tendencies towards exhibitionism I always had some doubt about her orgasms, but I’m pretty sure I made her genuinely cum a few times in between the fake moaning and screams.
There was always a little bit of tension between us, though, that went unstated. It was like we were in a tug-of-war, me trying to get her to tone down those exhibitionist tendencies, with the eventual goal of getting her to stop camwhoring on the Internet, and she trying to drag me over to the dark side, so to speak, with riskier sex and indulging her whims. My part didn’t happen openly, of course… any time I tried to broach the subject directly, I was treated to the old “you can’t tell me what to do, it’s not like you’re my boyfriend” speech, followed by a sulk, and sometimes her going home early leaving me horny and unsatisfied, but I tried to give her hints, here and there about the risks she was taking or the kind of people who were watching her. Lily was free to operate openly on her side of the struggle, and regularly pleaded with me to make videos.
It was clear Lily had the advantage, so it was no surprise she won the first few battles. I caved on making a video pretty early, in the first week. She’d been asking every time we did it, and I don’t know about most men, but apparently I have a hard time refusing a girl I’m having sex with, or a little cousin, or both at once.
When I finally gave in, I was naked from the waist down and Lily, for a change, was still fully clothed in her school-clothes. She’d started flirtily rubbing up against me once she got in the apartment, and then slid my pants down and gave every indication she was going to give me an awesome blowjob, although she had so far only held it in her hands and nuzzled it a little with the side of her face before saying, “Hey, you know what we should do?”
“Make a video.”
“Lily, you know I don’t…”
“Shhh,” she said to cut me off. “Come on, it’ll be fun. It’s not like anybody’s going to see your face.”
“Please Jack? I’ll make it really, really, good,” she said, giving me the look that defines the term puppy dog eyes. And let me tell you, how effective that look normally is, is nothing compared to how it looks when your rigid member is inches away from their face. I was about to give in anyway, when suddenly her look took a turn for the mischievous. “How much do you want a blowjob?”
I could see what she was getting at, and even though it was fairly light in tone, I didn’t want to set a precedent. “Now that’s not fair…”
“No, what’s not fair is me giving you what you want all the time when you’re not willing to help me with this one little thing. I mean, I’m not trying to threaten you, but it’s not like you’re my boyfriend and I’d want to do it just to please you, this is supposed to be a deal that works for both of us, and if it doesn’t…”
I sucked in a breath then let it out roughly. Precedent be damned, the thought of her ending our arrangement and maybe finding somebody else to indulge her fetishes was too terrifying to contemplate. “Fine,” I said. “Just this once. Get your camera.”
She smiled, handed it to me, gave me a quick lesson on how to start it, and then got down on her knees again. After a moment’s contemplation, she removed her top and cast it aside. “You starting?”
I nodded. “Just, before we do this… remember not to use my name or anything, okay?”
Lily rolled her eyes. “Of course not. And you shouldn’t use mine, either. Call me… ‘baby’, If you want.”
I didn’t plan on saying anything at all. In the back of my mind I still had this idea that one day everything on her site would be discovered and, if Lily was too stubborn to talk, the police would ask her parents to see if there was anything familiar about the man in the video. They might not recognize my naked body, but with my voice, there was a chance.
When I gave her the signal that I’d started recording, she asked me, in what seemed to be a slightly higher-pitched voice than she usually used, “Do you want me to suck your cock, baby?” I nodded and bobbed the camera along with my head, and she went to town on my dick, first a long lick along the underside, then opening her mouth and going down as far as she could, followed by pulling her head back slowly letting her lips drag along the entire length. It was much like how she started the first time she did it, in fact, but slower, or at least it seemed that way. After that she took her mouth off and began a series of lingering licks around the head. Once in a while she would pop it in her mouth and let it bulge out one of her cheeks, but soon it came out and she returned to using her tongue on the outside, all while making noises like she was enjoying a delicious meal. Eventually she shifted focus, and spent most of her time with at least the head in her mouth, and often much more, and only occasionally drew off to give the side a little lick.
At one point, when bobbing down on my dick, I guess she went down too far and I hit her throat in a funny way, so she had to draw back suddenly, with a grimace on her face, and coughed. It didn’t look very attractive but was probably the most sincere moment of the whole blowjob, and it only lasted a few seconds before she went back to work.
I didn’t want to speak, but I made a sound like “Uhh, uhh…” and tapped her on the head.
She got the message. “You going to cum, baby?” I nodded. She pulled off and arched her back. “You want to cum on my tits? Or my face?” She still had the bra on, so she didn’t let me answer, just milked me with one hand and extended her tongue out right under the head of my penis, mouth wide open. When I exploded, moments later, most of it went on her tongue and into her mouth, though she closed up for the third or fourth jet so some of the creamy goo got on her face and chin. Lilly giggled, and when I was done, sucked me one more time, like she was cleaning me off, and then lay on the ground with a smile. I shut the video off.
Lily excused herself to wash her face, and when she came back, asked, “Why didn’t you say anything, during? It was like you were a statue!” That was an exaggeration, I did make sounds, but even they were quiet and restrained. I explained about fears of my voice being recognized, and she just shook her head and smiled. “You are such a worrywart.” Still, she came up to me, gave me a hug, and said, “Thanks for giving me a video.” I put my arms around her and we held it for a few seconds.
I sensed that this might be crossing an unwanted boundary, so I pulled away and suggested we play some Halo for a while, while I recharged.
With the first video shot, it was harder to say no to subsequent ones. I tried to hold a hard line, but gave in, and a few days later, I held a camera on Lily while I fucked her in the missionary position. Later, I did her doggy-style in the same way. Holding the camera meant I only had one hand to hold her, which made it less fun for me, but I guess she made a good show for her friends, moaning as I thrust into her and practically screaming as she ‘came’. I made her cum for real after the camera was shut off, with my fingers, although she was very close from the fucking.
The one thing we never got on video was anal, and that was because we only tried it one more time. Lily had been pushing it, telling me she wanted to try again, but I knew the truth… she didn’t want to, her ‘friends’ wanted her to. I’d seen them requesting it. But Lily kept pestering me, telling me she’d been trying to relax and get more used to it, and so finally I told her I’d be willing to try, but not on video in case it hurt her.
So, on the day we decided to do it, she got up on my bed, naked, and in pretty much the same position we tried last time. She looked back at me when there was a tearing sound, and asked, “What’s that?”
“A condom,” I said. “I hope you know what those are.” We hadn’t been using them… we should have, I know, but we hadn’t gotten in the habit and Lily assured me she was safe, one of her friends helped her get birth control.
“Yeah but, if neither of us have been with anybody else…” She looked angry for a moment. “You haven’t, right?”
“No!” I insisted. It was the truth. In fact, just recently I had been beating myself up a bit because I’d turned down a shot at a real relationship in favor of Lily. That girl, Allison asked me to coffee. It was a hell of a surprise, actually. Maybe it was because I’d been a little more distant to her, with my sexual urges no longer pushing me into the scent of desperation, and that intrigued her in a reverse psychology type of way, or maybe she wanted to date me all along and just got tired of waiting for me to ask. Either way, I thought it was just coffee, but then she suggested catching a movie, and that wasn’t just coffee, that was a date.
A date with a pretty girl, my own age, who I could tell was interested in me... and all I could think of is that I made a promise to Lily, that if I started dating somebody, our ‘thing’, whatever it was, had to end. I didn’t want that. So I told Allison “No,” that I was “sort of” dating somebody. I chose a continued dangerous sexual affair with my underage exhibitionist cousin to what could be a stable relationship with somebody I could tell my friends and family about. What kind of person does that?
A person like me. But I may be a lot of things, I wouldn’t break my promise to Lily. Even if she didn’t have total faith in me. “Are you sure?”
“I promise,” I said. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
She shrugged a little and looked away. “It’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything, but we agreed…”
I cut her off. “I know,” I said. “I haven’t. I swear.”
“So why the condom?”
I tossed the package to her while I tried to put it on. “It’s extra lubricated. I just thought it would go easier.” My first time putting on a condom, you might expect I had some difficulty… which is why it wasn’t my first time, I’d practiced the day before, so I could avoid looking like an idiot. I think I managed that, although I was far from smooth. The condom was… smooth and very slick.
My explanation seemed to satisfy her. “Oh, okay. But it would look better without it. The pictures, I mean.” It wouldn’t be video, but she wouldn’t let me get away without taking still pictures.
“Humor me.” I approached her again, now with a condom on and my shaft slippery. I rubbed it along her ass-crack to transfer some of the goo, and then poised my dick at the entrance to her hole.
She tensed again. “Lily,” I said. “You have to relax. All the lube in the world won’t help if you’re tense.”
“I am relaxed,” she insisted. “Just do it. Fuck my ass. The lube will help it go in.”
I wasn’t sure, but she seemed so intent I was willing to try… there certainly was a lot of lube. As I began to push gently, I heard her suck in her breath, but she didn’t complain, and slowly my cock began to pry open her asshole. I heard a grunt and paused. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” she said, with a strained voice. “Just keep going.”
So I did. It was tight enough that it wasn’t really pleasant for me, either… tightness is great, except when it’s on the head of your dick and not the rest. Then it’s uncomfortable. So I wanted to get my head fully past the sphincter for my sake. Before I could, though, she said, “Ow, ow, ow, ow…”
I drew back a little. “You okay?” I repeated.
“Ignore it, I’m fine, just keep going.”
“We can try again some other time…”
“No, you pull out now and I’ll kill you,” she muttered. “We’re getting this done. Go all the way in.”
Against my better judgment, I did. The next approach was a little easier than the first, and finally I felt the ridge of my glans clear the border. By my definition, that meant I was inside, her anal virginity gone. “Oww,” she said again, letting out a breath.
“It’s in,” I said. It was tight, but now it was a pleasant tightness, although her expression worked against my own excitement.
“Okay,” she said. “Just don’t move, not yet.” She grit her teeth, took a few more deep breaths. “Okay, try now.”
I pushed in deeper, and although I thought it should have been easier, the hardest part over with, she once again made a cry of pain, and I couldn’t take it any more. “Okay, that’s it, I’m pulling out.”
“You don’t have to,” she said, but I could tell from her face that she was still in pain. Even just staying where I was and not moving seemed to make her suffer.
“I’m hurting you.”
“It’s okay. I’ll survive.”
“No, it’s not okay. I’m pulling out.” I just hoped that wouldn’t hurt her more than putting it in, but I was already starting to wilt a little.
“Wait,” she said. “First, take the picture.”
I didn’t want to, but I did, and she held still… we both did. The picture might look like I was fucking her ass, but we were posed and I still had just the tip in. I got some shots of that, and then put the camera down and slowly retreated.
Going out was easier than coming in, but then it was designed to be an exit, not an entrance, and I wasn’t exactly rock hard anymore. Once I was no longer inside her, she relaxed some, and Lily’s breaths seemed less stilted. I sat down beside her and said, “I’m sorry, Lily. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She turned around and lounged on her side, like she didn’t want to sit down directly on her bottom. “I asked you to. I’m sure next time it’ll go easier. I won’t make a peep, I promise.”
That’s when I made the decision, because I was sure that she’d do her best to keep that promise, even if I was hurting her, even if she really should tell me, she’d want to press on. “No. There won’t be a next time.”
“Don’t say that,” she said. “I promise, I’ll be good.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m putting my foot down. No anal sex.”
“You don’t get to make that decision, it’s not like you’re my boyfriend…”
“Yeah, but I’m still me, and I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to. You’ve got a rule about me licking your pussy, right?” She was saving it for her boyfriend, and we kept to that, although being denied it made me want to do it all the more. “Well, I’ve got a rule about anal sex. I’m not into it.”
“But guys love anal sex.”
“Some guys do, apparently I’m not one of them. I tried it, and once was enough for me. We popped your anal cherry at least. Are you going to try to force me to do something I know I don’t like?” Technically she could, all she had to do was use blackmail, but I didn’t think she would.
I was right. “No,” she said weakly.
“Well, then that’s that. I kind of get turned off by pain, and I’d rather fuck your pussy any day. Anal is overrated. To be honest, I never saw what the big deal was… I mean, when you think about it, it’s kind of disgusting, people poop from there.”
It got a giggle out of her, at least. “Okay,” she said. “At least we got pictures of this time.”
She didn’t put up any more of a fuss about it, and although I was initially a little worried that she’d find somebody else to scratch that particular itch, some careful probing later convinced me not only that she’d hold to our deal and not do anything sexual with anybody else, but also that she was secretly relieved by my decision. She wouldn’t admit it openly, but I could tell she didn’t like it, she didn’t want to do it, and she was happy to have the excuse not to… if not for her Audience suggesting they wanted pictures of it, she might not have tried it at all.
So, I suppose I won one battle there, her Audience got one short segment of anal sex pics and that’s all they would ever get.
The next phase in our struggle over her exhibitionism was the one that would eventually lead to a big change in our relationship. Lily had a goal, one she didn’t admit openly because she knew I’d just refuse… she wanted me to do her live, on camera, to an audience. Friends only, naturally, or at least that was what she had intended, although she tried to push me even farther than that, in the hopes that I’d compromise where she wanted.
Although she’d tossed off the suggestion a few times before, the first time she seriously proposed it occurred at her house. One day, instead of meeting her at my apartment after school, she met me outside, on the way. This happened from time to time, and we’d walk to my place, but I didn’t like it as it meant more people seeing us together and maybe becoming suspicious, so I often deliberately missed a bus just so I could be a few minutes behind schedule and Lily would wait for me at my door. This time, she was waiting for me, alone, thankfully, and when I was about to continue homeward, she tugged me on my arm and turned me around. “We’re going to my house today.”
“Yeah, I’m not allowed to stay out after school today. So we’ll just go to my place.”
I didn’t like that, not one bit. “Won’t your parents be…”
She shook her head. “They won’t even be there. Mom’s got this thing, and Dad’s been working late.”
“So why do you have to be home?”
“Because Mom’s going to call the house phone to make sure I’m there.”
She shrugged. “It’s no big deal, we got in a fight, and she grounded me.” She rolled her eyes. “She is so unfair.”
“What did you fight about?” She shrugged and didn’t answer, so I took the hint that she didn’t want to talk about it, and went on to my more pressing concern. “What if they come home early?” How would I explain my presence there?
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered. Unless they actually catch us in the act, we’re safe.”
I went along, but my stomach was starting to churn nervously… I already knew I was more worried about getting caught than she was. I don’t think she wanted it to happen, and she probably was telling the truth when she said she didn’t think it would, but the risk of it happening was a turn on for her. She once mentioned off-handedly that it was a shame I didn’t have a car, that way we could have sex out in public where anybody could stumble upon us. That one scared me, even though she later insisted she was joking.
Lily lived in a small, fully-detached house on a side-street. There was a dog barking constantly as we approached. “Shut up,” she hissed at it when we passed, and then explained that it was her next-door neighbor’s, and that it was always barking.
I’d been in their house before, but not often, or for a long time, and mostly I was familiar with the living room, kitchen, and foyer area. Lily immediately took me upstairs, where we I got to see her room, although of course I’d seen some of that in her Facebook pictures. Pink walls, popstar posters , a collection of stuffed animals on the dresser… it was like the quintessential young adolescent girl bedroom. Cute, but what do you say about it? I did notice that I could still hear the neighbor’s dog barking in the distance. It must be maddening to live right next to that.
She came up close to me, smiling, and whispered. “So, are you horny? Cause I am.” My dick stiffened immediately, but there were other things on my mind. I interrupted her with them when she said, “Hey, do you know what might be fun?”
“Plenty,” I said nervously. “But let’s just make really sure nobody’s home, okay?”
Lily rolled her eyes, but she smiled as she did it, and led me through the house, shouting “Mom? Dad?” and even peeked into the master bedroom to salve my paranoia that her mom was taking a nap, sleeping off a migraine, but the house was empty. “Satisfied?”
“Well, not yet,” I said, trying to waggle my eyebrows suggestively. She laughed, and we went back to her room.
Instead of going for the bed, though, she sat at her little desk with her computer and said, “I’m just going to check my messages.”
It took a while. First she logged into her proxy and then her Facebook, and there she had a number of messages from her ‘friends’, many of her asking to go live or join them on Skype. I know because she read some of them out loud. It made me uncomfortable, a dull pain in the pit of my stomach as I remembered how dangerous her behavior was, not just for me, but for herself. I had a little debate with myself about whether this was a good time to try to convince her of that again, and get into an inevitable fight, when she said, “What do you say?”
“Want to give these guys a little live show?”
“Uh, no.” She pouted, put on the puppy-dog-look. “Absolutely not.”
“Oh come on… I’ll keep it friends only.”
“You know I don’t even like going on camera… and when it’s live, it’s much easier to accidentally get my face in the picture.”
“Yeah, for like a second.”
“If somebody’s recording it, a second is all it takes.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “But you’re horny, right?”
“Yeah, but not that horny. I’ll never be THAT horny.” She frowned, but it was a very slight frown, and it looked like she had something else on her mind, so I tried to shut her down quickly. “Look, Lily, I’d like to have sex with you, but if you’re going to try to say I have to do it live in front of them, or not at all, I’ll just go home.”
“Fine,” she said. “You’re lucky I’m horny too…” She smiled, and started taking off her top.
“And don’t even think about leaving the camera on without telling me.” I realized instantly that I shouldn’t have said it, because it could easily have given her the idea.
“I wouldn’t do that,” she said, then, as though to prove it, closed all her windows leaving just the desktop, which was of a castle like out of a fairy tale, and a music player, which she turned to the dreaded Bieber. I briefly wondered if maybe I should spend the energy I normally waste on trying to break her exhibitionist habit into getting her into some better music. Then again, at least his girly voice helped to cover up the dog barking.
We started to make love soon after, and, because I’d just disappointed her desire for exposure, I was determined to work extra hard at making her cum, starting with a lot of foreplay and rubbing her pussy, and then, when we finally got to fucking, doing it excitedly, close-up.
We’d just got into a good rhythm when there was a loud bang, and we both looked up, first into each other’s wide eyes, then to the door. “Shit,” she said, but I was already pulling out. “Somebody’s home.”
The next minute or two was a mad scramble, I can barely remember what happened. We got dressed, I know that, had a brief, whispered discussion about it looking bad if we were caught in her room, and were on our way downstairs when we were caught, by her father who rounded the corner and was calling Lily’s name. He was dressed like he’d just got off work, dark pants, a clean white shirt, red tie, and suit jacket slung over one arm.
He drew back a little in surprise upon seeing me, but didn’t throw a punch so I guess he didn’t suspect anything right away, but I was terrified he would at any moment. “What are you doing here?”
I repeated the word, “I” a few times, trying to come up with something, before Lily saved me.
“I ran into him on the way home,” she said. “Someone at school was bothering me, and wouldn’t leave me alone, so I asked Jack if he’d walk me home.”
“Oh,” he said, and turned to her, concerned. “Someone was bothering my little Lilypad? Nothing serious, I hope?”
Lily shook her head. “What are you doing home, anyway?”
Now he looked embarrassed. “Oh, I, well, I just stopped in for a few minutes, really, I have to get back to work.”
“Uh-huh,” Lily said, like it was the answer she expected.
“I really just came home to take a quick shower because the A/C at work was broken and I was getting kind of sweaty, and I wanted to change into a better shirt because the VP will be coming to our meeting later.” He paused and then asked, “Why are you home? I thought you had Math Club?”
“I was grounded, remember.”
“Yeah, I forgot… Why was that again?”
“I got in a fight with Mom.”
“Right. Well, you should respect your mother.” He checked his watch and said, “I really should get in that shower. Thanks for walking her home, Jack…”
I licked my impossibly dry-feeling lips and tried to say it was no trouble, but once again, Lily spoke instead. “I promised Jack we’d feed him. You know he eats mostly ramen and canned ravioli?”
He took a few steps upstairs, and then said, “Oh, sure, that sounds fine. Tell you what? Why don’t you guys order a pizza or something. Or hey, sushi if you want, I know you like that, Lilypad. On me.” He disappeared up the stairs and into his room, and I was finally able to release a breath.
Lily didn’t seem to be concerned, just disappointed. “Come on, at least we’ll get something good to eat.”
“That was close,” I said, keeping my voice low.
“I told you I could handle it. Come on, what do you want?” She led me into the kitchen and pulled some fast food flyers off the top of the fridge.
“I don’t know, sushi, if you want.” I didn’t really have an appetite.
“I haven’t been able to eat sushi since I got sick on it at my eleventh birthday.” She frowned. “How about this?” She pulled up a flyer for a place, one of those small local ones that have a lot of different types of food. “We can get whatever we want.”
There were a lot of different choices. After a minute or two of looking the menu over, we heard a whine from upstairs, which almost made me jump, since I was still pretty jittery, but it was just the sound of the shower being turned on, and I was able to relax again. Finally, Lily made the call and ordered. She got something Indian, Chicken Korma or something like that, and I just went with the simplest choice, a burger and fries.
Almost immediately after she hung up, the phone rang again. Yet again, I practically hit the ceiling. Lily picked it up. “Hello?” She frowned. “Hello?” she asked again, annoyance growing. She sighed. “Fuck off and die you fucking cunt,” and hung up. I looked at her inquisitively… I’d hardly ever seen her so annoyed. In fact, normally, she was the sweetest person I knew. She shrugged meekly and muttered, “Fucking people call and don’t say anything. I hate that.”
“Probably just a wrong number,” I said, and hoped internally that it wasn’t something darker, someone who’d tracked down Lily from her Facebook posts and was now stalking her.
Lily shook her head, and then took me by the hand. “Come on, it’ll be like forty minutes. Let’s go into the den.”
I thought we were just going to kill time, watch some TV, but it was clear shortly after we sat down that she had other things on her mind. Her hand drifted to my crotch, and pulled down my zipper. “Lily,” I whispered. “Your father’s right upstairs.”
“So?” she asked. “He’s in the shower. We’ll hear when it goes off. You didn’t get to finish, so I’ll just give you a quick blowjob.”
“I really don’t think you should,” I said, but my cock, once freed, said something very different. It stood up and said “Yes,” and that was the one Lily listened to.
There was no camera to play to this time, and we were pressed for time, so Lily didn’t waste any. She took me right into her mouth right away and just sucked, her head going up and down as all my verbal arguments about why it was a bad idea went away. Instead, I tried to get the job done as quickly as possible, imagining fucking her… maybe she had infected me with her love of risk, because the knowledge of her father one floor above us kept popping into my head, and far from ruining the mood, it made it more exciting.
It didn’t take very long. I told her I was going to cum, and she kept her lips locked on my dick and sucked greedily as I pumped loads of sperm into her. She swallowed it as it came, every drop, leaving no suspicious mess, and then finally pulled off and put a breath mint in. “See? Now nobody will ever know.”
It happened just in time, because her father’s shower had ended right about when I was cumming… maybe it had even triggered that final explosion, although I was close enough regardless. When her Dad finally came down, in a new outfit, we were sitting far apart, watching TV.
“Did you order?” When Lily answered with an affirmative noise, he asked “How much did it come to?”
She quoted a number that was about $20 more than it actually cost. Sneaky, but I guess I couldn’t blame her. “So I guess you’re heading off to work now or whatever,” Lily said.
“Yeah, I probably should get going…” He looked down at Lily, then said, “Why don’t you go get changed? There’s no need to get your uniform more dirty than you have to.” She’d already taken it off, but when we were scrambling to get dressed, it was easier for her to wear it again than to find something new. “Besides, I want to talk to Jack here.”
That freaked me out, but I pretended not to notice he’d said anything. I just stared blank-faced at the TV. It’s easy to do, even when you’re scared you’re about to be murdered for messing around with a guy’s daughter.
Lily didn’t share my concerns, just gave a disdainful roll of her eyes in her father’s direction, and then stalked off upstairs.
I was sure I was about to get busted, that he’d smelled pussy on my fingers or something, but instead, he said, “I just wanted to thank you again for watching out for her. This thing at school… is it serious? Some overeager punk annoying her?”
“Um, no,” I lied, trying to think fast. A boy might lead to more questions. “I think it was just a falling out with some of her friends. She didn’t really tell me much beyond that, though.”
“Well, it’s more than she’d tell me. She never tells me anything anymore.” He shrugged a little, and checked his cell, maybe seeing if he had a message. “I guess that’s just how it is with girls her age. It used to be she thought I hung the moon, now it’s like I’m barely worth her time. Still, thanks for walking her home. Even if it was just for a free meal.”
“It was nothing,” I said. “I wasn’t even going to stay for dinner, it’s just that she insisted… wanted to show me her room too, that’s why we were upstairs.” Inside, I screamed at myself to shut up, I was giving too much information, trying to explain things that he hadn’t realized were unusual, and it was going to make him suspicious. “Maybe it was because of the thing with her friend, she was feeling a little lonely.”
“Listen, I know you probably have schoolwork and such, but do you mind sticking around here just till her mother gets home? I’d rather she not be alone. It’ll probably only be a couple hours.”
“Um, I don’t know,” I said. I think it’s a good policy not to look too eager, for anything, in general. In this case, it was practically a survival instinct. “Don’t you have, like, a sitter or something? Or a neighbor you could get?”
“I wouldn’t know who to call, Kelly usually handles that sort of thing, I guess she thinks Lily’s too old to need a sitter.” He pulled out a fifty and handed it to me. “For your time?”
“I guess I could, so long as it’s not too late…” I took the money. It felt a little surreal, considering what we were likely to be doing once he left.
“Don’t tell her I paid you, just pretend you want to hang around.” I nodded, and he relaxed, changing the topic. “So, how’s college going?”
“Okay, I guess.”
“Believe you me, this is the best time of your life right now. When I was in college, I got so much tail it wasn’t even funny. A different girl every week.” There is a particular type of awkward horror you sometimes feel in life, and from this point on, I would always describe it as ‘like your uncle sharing too much about his sexual history.’ “You better enjoy it while you can, because man, you’ll miss it once it’s gone.”
“Uh, okay,” I said. What do you say to that? “I’m mostly focused on my studies…”
“Well, you’ve got to take your nose out of a book sometime.” A soft buzzing interrupted us, and he reached for his phone, and answered it. “Yeah. Don’t worry, I’m on my way. Be there in ten minutes. Yeah, you too. Bye.” Closing it, he turned to me and said, “I have to go. You’re going to be okay sticking around here, then?” I nodded.
He walked out to the stairs, and called out, Lily’s name. She replied with an annoyed, “What?”
“I’m going to work now.”
“But if you want to talk later about that thing at school, we can.” There was a silence, and her father looked back to me with a helpless shrug. “Okay, bye honey, I love you.”
“Bye.” It can be hard to convey complete disinterest while shouting across a house, but she managed it.
After he left, I waited until I was sure the car was gone, then headed upstairs and knocked at the door. She told me to come in.
I found her sitting in front of her computer. She’d changed into a simple, one-piece blue dress, the kind of dress that looks like it could be a really long shirt, one that, when she stood, came down to just above her knees. It made her look younger, somehow, falling straight down and hiding some of the curves she did have. “Is he gone?” she asked.
“Yeah. Listen, if he does ask, I told him that I walked you home because you had a falling out with one of your girl friends, not a boy.”
She snorted briefly. “Like he’d ask.”
“He might,” I said, feeling a strange urge to defend him. “I mean, he does care about you.”
She clicked distractedly with the mouse. “Not enough to stay. I mean, I didn’t want him to, it would have ruined my day, but if he really cared he wouldn’t have left when he thought his daughter had a crisis, right?”
“It’s not really like he had a choice, it’s work. He’s got to pay the bills somehow.”
“Don’t defend him,” she snapped, glaring at me.
I was a little taken aback. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay, but, can we not talk about him please?”
“Sure.” Ever notice how when someone tells you not to talk about something, no matter what else you might have in common, you always struggle for a new topic? We were silent for almost thirty seconds, except for her occasional clicking or typing. “So what are you doing?” I finally asked.
“Oh,” she said offhandedly, pointing at the screen. “Right now I’m on cam.”
I lowered my voice instantly to a whisper. “What?”
She smiled at my panic, like she found it cute. “Don’t worry, the microphone’s off. And the camera’s all on me, not you, so you have nothing to worry about.”
“These are your ‘friends’?”
She shook her head. “Just a webcam site. I don’t know any of them… though I guess some of them might know me, I’ve been here before.”
“Well, could you get off?”
Her smile widened to a grin. “Oh, you want me to get off? With all these strangers watching? Okay, if you insist…”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it…”
“Too bad. I think all these guys want a show, and I’d hate to disappoint them…”
“Please, Lily… don’t you want to have sex with me?”
“Of course I do...” she said, then shook her head, determined. “But that’s not up to me. The camera’s on, and you’re welcome to come over here and join me… so you’ve got two choices, you can sit and watch and let me tease you, or you can help me give them a real show...”
I knew that she wanted me to choose the second option. While I wanted to please her, and pleasure her, I couldn’t do that. The thought of going on camera, where a careless motion could expose my face to the world, terrified me. My first instinct was, of course, to go over and shut off her computer, but I knew that would piss her off, and I certainly didn’t want that. Not only was there the obvious reason that I still wanted to have sex with her that day, but angry people are apt to do irrational things. I’d always feared that if I got Lily too mad, she might decide to tell on me. In a way, she had all the power in the relationship, because of that fear, but I don’t think she ever completely realized that.
So with giving in to what I knew she wanted and forcibly ending her little game both off the table, I could only sit and watch. Or leave, I suppose, that might have made a statement, but she was still so beautiful and how could I turn away?
So I watched. I carefully found a spot on her bed that was out of view of the camera, and yet which also let me see her screen from afar. At that moment, she had the camera focused on her torso. Words scrolled past the chat window, or occasionally popped up to the side in what must have been private messages, and it took a second before I realized they weren’t English. “What are they saying?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “It’s Russian, and Google Translate’s not working. They’re probably trying to get me to show my tits though.” She adjusted the camera again so they could see her face and upper chest. She the strap over her left shoulder fall off and drag part of the dress with it, threatening to expose a nipple but never quite getting there. “Anyway, I can talk and people will think I’m just reading something aloud or that I don’t know they can’t hear me.” When she said it, I noticed that’s just what she was doing, talking while staring into the screen, as though she was reading. “And really, anything I want to do, they’ll think somebody’s asking me to do it in a private message. Serge taught me all this, he used to coach me over Messenger.” At the mention of his name my blood started to boil a little. It was bad enough he was taking advantage of her and nursing the exhibitionist tendency for his own pleasure, but to get her to strip in front of a crowd of strangers? Once again, I wanted to do something, and once again I felt powerless, and so my hatred joined my anxiety at that pit in the bottom of my stomach as I watched her perform.
It was unquestionably a performance, she teased a lot at first without really showing anything. She posed in her dress, lifted it just enough to show her upper thigh, or pulled the top aside almost enough to reveal a nipple. By the time she flashed her underwear, I already had about half an erection, and those tight purple panties pushed me to three quarters. They must have been about a size too small, and clung closely enough to her body that you could make out the crease in her butt from behind, and the slight bump of her mound in front.
She got a lot of mileage out of that, standing up, raising the dress to her navel, and showing off for a few seconds before sitting back down. “Okay,” I said, hoping to cut it off there. “I think they’re sufficiently teased.”
“You’re right,” she said. “I really should give them a little something more than teasing.” She focused the camera on her midsection again, hopped a little so the bottom of the dress wasn’t caught under her ass, then began raising it, ever so slowly. She held for a few seconds first above the navel, and then again just under the breast, but finally those pert pink nipples were revealed to an audience.
Lily posed like that a few times, turning back and forth, and then let the dress drop again. After that, she spent a minute or two curled up in the chair with her legs spread, and focused the camera directly on her panties, and, occasionally, her hand stroking the edge or outside of it.
The camera flipped back up to her face and Lily looked into it wide-eyed, like somebody had just proposed something astonishing, and then she smiled coquettishly and stood up. Her hands went under her dress and she pulled off the panties entirely and displayed them for the camera, before setting them aside. “Think half of these guys would cum just seeing my ass…”
“Come on, Lily,” I suggested when she dropped the camera to her legs again and threatened to raise the dress and reveal what should be her private parts. “Why don’t you turn the camera off and then I can make YOU cum…”
“Or you could come on cam and make me cum even harder.” I frowned. “You should be happy, I’m making it easy for you, all these guys going crazy, I’m getting close to popping already.”
“I don’t mind getting you there myself… I prefer it, in fact.”
“Spoilsport.” Ignoring my wishes, she teased some more, and finally, the teasing stopped, and she showed her pussy. Once that was done, it was only a minute before she took the dress off entirely, naked except for her socks (which she later removed, she explained, “for the foot fetishists”), and sat. She spread her pussy a few times and ran her fingers along the edge, then leaned forward to give a close-up of a nipple, which she squeezed. One last adjustment of the camera was to come, where one could see her whole body, lounging backwards in the chair, legs spread, while she began to masturbate in earnest. Her eyes closed for a few seconds at a time, but always returned back to the screen, and only sometimes to me.
Then, suddenly, she frowned, took her finger out of her pussy, and sat back up in her seat normally. “Fuck…” She clicked frantically at something a few moments, before reporting. “I got banned.”
“Took them long enough,” I muttered.
“It’s no big deal,” she said. “I can just get my proxy to give me a new IP and make a new account…”
“Do you have to?” I asked. “I’m pretty hard here and I kind of want you to myself.” Her mouth opened, and before she could say anything, I added, “And I’m not going to do it on cam, no matter what you say, at least not today.” I shouldn’t have added that last bit… I knew it would probably make her give up for the moment, but only encourage her to continue trying in the future, because I left hope. I could tell that by her smile.
“Okay, fine,” she said, and she helped me get undressed.
We had sex then, and I made her cum just in time, for not two minutes later the doorbell rang with our food. After we ate, we didn’t do anything else sexual, mostly because I was too afraid her Mom would come home, but we talked a little and watched part of a movie.
Aunt Kelly didn’t call, at least not until long after Lily would have been home even if she had stopped at my place, and then it was just to tell Lily she was on her way home. I took that opportunity to leave… even if I had the perfect excuse, of permission from her father, I didn’t want mother’s intuition working on any of the nonverbal body language we might have. Lily said that if anybody asked, she’d say I was there until her mother called, but that nobody would ask. Later, she’d point out she was right. Nobody did. As far as her mother was concerned, I was never there, and her father probably assumed I’d stayed the whole time, as promised.
Lily kept proposing live shows, even “just friends only”, but I’d always turned her down. She may have trusted them, but I didn’t. These suggestions all took place at my house, although she offered to use her proxy. After the scare of nearly getting caught by her father, I was more than reluctant to be with her anywhere but the safety of my apartment, but she got me to come to her place eventually, and it was this second time that really changed everything for us. It happened on a weekday that neither Lily nor I had school. Me, because it was Spring Break. Lily’s spring break was later in the month, but the teachers had some kind of meeting day that cancelled class just for that one day.
Once we noticed the opening in our schedules, we had an informal agreement that we should try to get together. Nothing was settled by the time the day actually came, but I assumed she would come over to my place. That morning, we had a discussion over Facebook, and to my surprise, she revealed she wanted me to come to her house.
I raised the usual objections about how it’d be safer at my place, but she was stubborn and insisted nobody would be home all day, it would be totally safe and she really wanted a change since we’d done it in my apartment almost every other time. Besides, her mother might call from work, and if Lily couldn’t answer the phone at home, she’d have to come up with a story about where she went.
I knew the real reason. She wanted to try again to convince me to do a live show, imagining that she’d have better success with home field advantage, so I continued to hold up my end of the argument… until she started sending me naked pictures. First, spot pictures, a nipple, her pussy, her ass, and then a series of pictures of her lying on the bed, legs spread, warning that she was horny, and if I didn’t come over soon she’d take care of the problem herself.
I’m a weak man. If I wasn’t, I never would have started this. Beyond this, it was a Monday, and we hadn’t been together since Wednesday, since she had something to do with friends on Friday, so I was feeling a bit deprived. Strange to say, someone who’d been a virgin for so long could come to expect regular sex so quickly, but I felt a little like an addict who’d been denied his fix for too long, and then, being tempted with it… well, I asked for a few more assurances that we wouldn’t be interrupted like last time, and that if we were, she had a cover story, and then told her I’d be right over.
She met me at the door, dressed casually in a long t-shirt and tight shorts, and we went upstairs, and into her room. Her computer was on and her browser open to a Russian cam site, but the webcam itself wasn’t enabled.
“We’re not doing it on cam for your friends,” I said, hoping to cut the idea off right off the bat.
She pouted. “Oh, come on… be a little adventurous.”
“For you it’s adventurous, for me it’s suicidal. You’re not committing a crime on camera.” I suppose technically she was. Some minors have been charged with producing child pornography… of themselves. But even before I became involved with Lily, I thought that was unnecessarily cruel, and totally unjust.
“But you’ve done it before… the only difference is, this is live. It’s not like anybody would find out, my proxies are perfect.”
“And when it’s live, something could happen and show my face.”
“Please? Just hear me out, okay?” I should have just said no, but I waited. “How about this. Just a blowjob. I’ll give you the best blowjob ever, I swear. We’ll stage it carefully. The camera won’t show you above here.” She used her hand to make a line just above my bellybutton. “No sound, so your voice won’t be heard. And, we’ll wear these…”
She ran to the side of the room that was farthest from her computer, and grabbed two wigs off a shelf. One was blonde, one was pink. “So even if the camera spots you, everyone’ll just think you’re some blonde surfer guy. I’ll wear the pink.” She smiled. “I was wearing it earlier already.”
“I don’t know…”
“If the wig’s not enough, you can always put a pillowcase over your head,” she suggested. “But then I might look up and laugh and choke on your dick.” She rubbed my pants at the crotch. “Come on, Jack, you know I’ll make it really good… and when we do it later, I’ll be really, really thankful.”
I was hard and I wanted to please her, and she was right, it wasn’t too much different from the videos she’d already talked me into letting her release. Maybe she was winning the war, or at least making progress, because on some level, buried very deep, it did turn me on to have people watching her suck my dick. “Okay, fine, just this once,” I said, knowing that she’d use this to convince me to do it again.
I put the ridiculous wig on, and she had hers, and then we did a little test with the camera to make sure it was pointed in a good position, a safe position. Finally, she started it. She was already on her knees, and waved to the camera, and then waved me into the frame. I approached slowly, and she unzipped my pants and pulled out my swollen member, then stroked it, looking into the camera. She played with it for almost a minute and then started her performance, the licks, the little teasing nips with her lips, and the sucking.
Of course it felt good, and it was exciting, but somehow it didn’t feel as good as when it was just the two of us, or even on our recorded videos. Her eyes went to the camera, and the screen, much more, and it reduced the immediacy between us, making it less personal, and I liked the personal. Still, we were already doing it, so I had little choice but to let her finish.
I finally looked to the screen, watching the racing scroll of foreign characters, when finally it occurred to me. “Why aren’t they typing in English?”
Lily pulled back and looked to the screen. “Why would they be?”
“Well, they’re your friends, right? They know you speak English… they all speak English in comments on your posts.”
Lily licked the underside of my penis, put the head in her mouth for a second, then pulled off to say, “No, these aren’t my friends. I don’t know who any of these people are.”
“What?” I hissed, feeling a little betrayed. “I thought this was going to be friends only.”
She looked apologetic, chagrinned, and gave me a kiss on my shaft as though to make me feel better. “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted this more.”
“Yeah, right.” I thought it more likely she was trying to skip a few steps in pushing me towards exhibitionism.
“No, really. You always said you were worried my friends would try to blackmail you. But these are strangers, they don’t know who you are, and they don’t know who I am. Some of them probably saw me teasing before you got here, but once we’re done I’ll delete this account, and nobody will ever know how to find us.” She must have thought she’d talked too long, and took me into her mouth, pushing as far as she could.
“I don’t want this,” I said. “Turn it off.”
She pulled off, a little bit of saliva still connecting my dick to her mouth. “Come on, we’re almost done.”
If I hadn’t found out the truth, we probably would be, but in this case fear held me off from reaching that final orgasm state, at least for a little while. I started to pull back, but she went down on me again and, as though sensing it was her last chance, began to suck for all her worth, rapidly moving up and down, her mouth hanging a little open, tongue slobbering on me a little, and it overcame the last of my resistance. I came into her mouth, and let her swallow it.
When we were done, she adjusted her wig. My hand had held onto it during those final moments and I accidentally pulled it down over her eyes, then she waved at the camera. “Turn it off,” I muttered breathlessly.
Anxiously, she went grabbed the mouse and clicked the icon that shut the broadcast off. “I’m sorry,” she said. She seemed sincere, too, but it didn’t matter, I’d come too close to danger.
“Delete the account, now.” I didn’t think it would make much of a difference… if someone reported it to the admin and they investigated, the account being gone wouldn’t make much of a difference. Maybe it would make people assume the authorities had already taken action, and that they didn’t need to raise a stink about it.
“I’m sorry,” she said when she was done. “I really did think you’d like that better… and it was good, right?”
“I’d rather have done without the audience.”
She took her wig off and threw it on the bed. “Look, I said I’m sorry. What do you want from me? Look, if you want, for the rest of the day, I won’t even ask you to make videos, we’ll do it the boring way.”
“The boring way.” Ouch.
She backpedalled, looking sorry again. “Not boring, just… I like knowing people are watching, all the attention. It makes it more fun. But as soon as you’re ready again, I’ll let you do it your way.”
I shrugged noncommittally, feeling the need to sulk a little, but had no intention of leaving, and I was going to relent and tell her I forgave her when there was a chime from her computer. She checked the screen and then sat down and typed something. More chimes followed, the sound of an instant message conversation, and finally I was curious. “What is it?”
She popped a mint into her mouth and answered in a bit of a mumble, “Oh, just one of my friends.”
“What kind of friends?” I asked. “School friends, or…”
“Facebook friends. It’s Serge, actually.” I frowned. She didn’t seem to notice. “He wants me to go on cam.”
“Well, he can fuck off. Tell him no.”
A look of irritation flashed across her face. “You don’t own me. It’s not like you’re my boyfriend.”
“No, but I’m with you now.”
She was silent for a second, then looked at me, and back at the screen, and back at me. “I could tease both of you…” she suggested.
“Well, you still need to get hard, right? If you sit back there and be very very quiet, I’ll let you watch while I perform for Serge. Then when he’s done, you can fuck me.”
“No,” I said automatically. “Why would I want that?”
“Because it’s me, and I’m hot, and you get hot watching me.”
“I don’t want to watch you masturbate for some other guy.”
She smirked. “Why not, jealous?”
A little, but I didn’t think it would be a good idea to admit it. “No!”
“Well, then why not?”
“I just don’t want to, that’s all.”
There was another chime, signaling a new message, and she read it and grimaced. “Oh, shit, I forgot.”
“That I’d cam for him today, after work. I forgot about the time difference.” It was still morning here, but wherever Serge was, I guessed it was after work.
Now I was really jealous and getting a little annoyed. “So you’re just going to drop everything for him?”
“It’ll only be fifteen minutes tops. You can go watch TV… or, the offer’s still open for you to watch us.”
“Well, he goes on cam too,” she said. “So I guess you could see both of us. But you’d have to be quiet, he might not want it.”
The prospect of seeing Serge, the man I’d come to think of as my nemesis, made me change my mind. I’d always been curious, I guess, but there was a more practical reason I wanted a look at him… if I ever saw him in the neighborhood, I’d kill him. Before now, it was an abstract promise to myself, with no weight because it had no chance of coming true. I had no idea what he looked like, so he could walk past me and I’d never know. If I saw him, if I could burn his face into my brain, the fantasies of strangling him would be much more vivid, and I could better protect Lily if he turned out to be even more of a dangerous pervert than I suspected.
“Fine,” I said, waving at her. “Go on.” It was time to meet the mysterious Serge.
Lily seemed a little suspicious of my sudden change of heart. “Really?”
Although I now wanted to see what this monster looked like, I decided to play it cool, act like I was ambivalent. “Go on before I change my mind.” I sat on the corner of the bed, out of sight of the webcam, but close enough that I could see the screen.
She opened up a private video chat. “Ah, there’s my favorite little slut. Everything is well I hope?” he said, in a deep voice with what seemed to me like a ridiculous Russian accent, with his W’s sounding more like V’s. I couldn’t see his face, though, to my disappointment, he only showed himself from about the neck down. What I did notice was that he had a few tattoos, one of a rose on one of his pectorals, and on his shoulder and neck there was something that looked like a bull. Other than that, he was well built, maybe a little on the stocky side, but with obvious musculature. If it ever came to a physical confrontation between us, I wasn’t sure I could win. I was so hoping he was some scrawny little geek.
Lily greeted him with the same cheer she greeted me. “Hi Serge. I don’t have a lot of time today.”
“Why not? You said there was no school today in America.”
“Not all of America, I think, just my school. But I have other things I need to do.”
“Still, I am very glad I get to see you today. When you come on normally, it is too late.” What a whiner. You’d think he’d be grateful he could see her at all.
“Sorry. But at least you have the videos, right?”
“I love the videos, but your lover is too… not a man.” My face began to burn. “He is too scared to make it look good, to show you off proper, treat you like you deserve.”
“I’m working on him,” Lily said with a sly glance in my direction. “And he’s a good lover, at least.”
He made a dismissive noise, like he was spitting. “You only have the one, you need more than one to say he is good. I told you, in some months my friends and I take trip to America, maybe we could stop by your city. I would show you how man fucks. I would take you hard, make you scream.”
A cold chill filled me. Even though I had always feared the guys Lily talked to might not be satisfied with a long distance relationship, actually seeing Serge try to get her to agree to meet with him was terrifying. I almost stood up to tell him off when she said, “I told you, Serge, I’m not telling you where I live. You’ll just have to wonder.”
“Yes, yes, you are smart girl, but I hope one day you trust me enough to change your mind.” Never, if I had anything to say about it. As soon as she was finished the conversation, I decided I was going to have another talk with her, even if it sparked another fight. This guy was giving me serious sexual predator vibes. Maybe I had no room to hang that label, but I just took what Lily offered and never tried to encourage her to do more… the opposite, in fact.
“But let’s pretend I did. What would you do with me?” Lily spoke in a flirty, casual tone, like this was an everyday part of their conversations.
Serge played along, leaning forward a little. “First I would get you naked. Why are you not naked, my little slutochka?” He didn’t actually say “slutochka”, it was something in Russian that I didn’t understand and could not remember, but whatever it was, I didn’t like it.
Lily stood on her chair and stripped off, first top, then shorts and underwear. “I’m naked, so now what?” She sat back down again, legs spread.
“I would put my fingers in your little pussy, and spread it, and show my friends.”
Lily spread her own pussy wide. “Your friends?”
“Of course, you are exhibitionist, so I bring friends to watch us. I would get you to pose for them while they masturbate and wish they could have you. Maybe you would let them after I am done.”
“Maybe.” I grit my teeth silently, fuming.
“But first I have you, after I show you off. You would bend over and show your ass.” Lily turned around on her chair, pointing her rear to the camera. “No, spread wider, to see your asshole.”
Lily placed one hand on each cheek and spread widely, so the camera had a clear view of her hole… both holes, actually, for her pussy was in view as well.
“Yes, and you would show them how horny you get being exposed, you would masturbate from below.” One hand left, and followed his instructions, dropped into her crotch so you could see her fingers on the screen playing with her pussy. “You would beg me to fuck you.”
“Yes, Serge, fuck me, please.”
Serge had begun playing with his dick on his end of the camera, but stopped briefly. “Do you have something handy to use? A brush handle? To pretend is my cock?”
“Yeah,” she said, reaching over to grab one from the table by her bed. She turned her butt to the camera again and worked the brush handle into her pussy lips.
“No,” he said. “Not in the pussy, today I want you to put in your asshole. I have waited so long, and it is where I want my cock…”
“No but,” he said. “Except the one my cock will go into.”
“Okay,” she said. “I guess I could try…”
All through this a mix of emotions were building, disgust, anger, even jealousy, but finally I couldn’t take any more. I stood up and stalked to the edge of her desk, and pulled out the cable that connected her computer to the house network. If her parents used wireless, I suppose I would have pulled the power plug, but all I wanted to do was kill her internet connection and terminate the conversation with Serge.
“What the fuck?” she cried, turning around in her chair and then launching herself out of it.
“You shouldn’t be talking to him,” I told her. “The guy’s a creep.”
“Serge is my friend.”
“No he isn’t, he’s just using you. All these friends only want you because you’re performing for them.”
“So what? I like it and they like it. And don’t act like you’re innocent, you wouldn’t even be here if you weren’t getting some.”
“At least I care about you, and that wouldn’t change even if I wasn’t getting some. These guys are bad news, and I don’t want you indulging them anymore.”
“There you go again, acting like you somehow have the right to run my life! You don’t get any say in who I talk to or what I do with them. It’s not like you’re my boyfriend!”
“Well, I might as well be,” I snapped. I was spending more time with her than anybody else, thinking about her all the time, turning down other romantic attachments because of her, and, of course, I was having sex with her.
The acrimony on Lily’s face suddenly vanished. Completely, as though she’d forgotten the entire argument the moment I said it. “Really?” she asked, eyes widening hopefully.
That’s when I realized it for the first time… every time she’d said “you’re not my boyfriend”, what she was really saying was “will you be my boyfriend?” She wanted me to disagree… maybe it was what she wanted all along.
I heard someone say once that men use love in order to get sex, and women use sex in order to get love. The first half isn’t true, at least not for me… I enjoy sex, but I really wanted it to be with somebody I loved, and had started to feel that way about Lily. Maybe the second half of the saying had some truth to it, though. Maybe my cousin came on to me because she wanted to be with me. She couldn’t just ask to be my girlfriend, I would have said no, but she realized that if she gave me sex, maybe I’d come to want more. Maybe she even deliberately had camsex with Serge to make me jealous.
It was crazy though, to try to become Lily’s boyfriend, even crazier than having this casual sex relationship. It was doomed to failure, and because emotions were now involved, failure would be catastrophic. And yet, with her looking up at me like that, eyes brimming with hope, I couldn’t disappoint her… more, I didn’t want to. I knew even better than she that it wasn’t possible for our relationship to work out, but she made me believe I could do the impossible. So I said it. “Yes. I’d like to be your boyfriend.” Suddenly I stumbled, ashamed, worried I’d read her wrong, and added, “I mean, if you wanted.”
“Yes,” she exclaimed. “Yes, yes, yes.” She raced towards me and actually leaped on me, wrapping her legs around me so she wouldn’t fall. She wasn’t quite level, but it only took a little effort to pull up close enough that she kissed me, right on the lips, and our tongues soon met. Mouth-kissing was one of the two forbidden acts, and maybe it was because of being denied what I’d wanted to do for so long, it gave me a high that rivaled even sex… at least, the way my pulse raced and heart pounded, it was like our first time all over again.
I was deliriously happy that once the kiss broke, I couldn’t stop smiling. Neither could she. I let her drop to the ground, and then we just stared into each other’s eyes and smiled madly for almost a minute. Finally it dawned on me that it was over, that I’d won, or so I thought, until I voiced the thought. “So you’ll shut down the Facebook page?”
Lily’s smile faded, and was replaced by a puzzled expression. “Why would I do that?”
“Well… I’m your boyfriend now….” It felt so strange to hear those words coming out of my mouth, but it was a good kind of strange. “So you don’t need all these guys looking at you.”
“Jack… I may be your girlfriend, but I’m still an exhibitionist. I thought you understood that.” My good mood evaporated. “You may be my boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean you get to run my life.” It was the phrase that would replace “You’re not my boyfriend!”
“But, I thought… you said if I were your boyfriend…” It was a struggle trying to remember exactly what she’d said, but I thought I’d understood the gist of it. “This all started when I wanted you to stop camming with Serge!”
Lily showed me I was wrong when I thought I understood. “Right. I won’t cam with Serge again,” she promised. “Or anybody else. Video sex is cheating, and I’m never going to cheat on you, Jack. But I’m still going to want to show off, and make videos… that’s part of who I am and it’s not going to change.” She took a deep breath. “So you need to decide if you can accept that. Because I really really want to be your girlfriend, but if you can’t let me be me, we should probably go back to just being friends. Friends with benefits, but friends only.”
I thought about it for a while, with her gaze on me the whole time. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was a step in the right direction. At least it would put an end to one dangerous activity, and I could apply pressure, as her boyfriend, to try to get her to cut out some of the other activities… and, of course, there’s the fact that I’d have a girlfriend. Sure, she was young, but she was smart and, pretty much a perfect personality by my book, someone I could fall madly in love with if I just let myself. Only the exhibitionism bothered me, and I was optimistic that I’d be able to work on that.
Boy, did I turn out to be wrong on that part, but I was right about how easy it would be to fall in love with her. I was already well on my way.
“So, what do you say?”
I said it a little grudgingly, but I said it. “I still want to be your boyfriend.”
She grinned, the relief on her face so evident I wondered if maybe she was bluffing, that if I had said “I want to be your boyfriend, but you have to give it up,” she would have done so. But I don’t know, and wasn’t willing to try. “Good. Then you’re my boyfriend, and I’m your girlfriend.” She blushed, actually blushed like she was embarrassed, for the first time I could remember. The girl who thought nothing of masturbating in front of strangers blushed at the admission that we were now no longer just friends. It was beautiful, but it was fleeting. She swallowed, and regained her composure, the color slowly fading. “So, we should celebrate.”
“How?” I hadn’t thought ahead. We might be boyfriend and girlfriend but she was still too young to date in a traditional way… I just hoped she understood that, and that she could be okay with the secrecy that would be necessary to keep our relationship going. “I could order something out, for lunch…”
“We could,” she agreed. “But I was more thinking that we have sex… no, if we’re boyfriend and girlfriend I guess we should call it making love.”
“That could work too,” I agreed. It would be a new experience, with the ability to kiss her and to lick her in her most intimate places, and I was all ready to go.
“Get my camera,” she said.
“It’s our first time. Our first time as boyfriend and girlfriend. We have to record it!”
I managed to talk her out of it, reminding her that I wouldn’t kiss her if my face could be caught on camera, and that I really wanted to kiss her. Luckily the thought of that swayed her, and we moved to her bed, kissing each other softly, the camera left on her desk. “Next time,” she said as we continued to make out. “Next time, we’re recording it.”
There was no video, no pictures, no Audience for our first time, our first time making love instead of just having sex. It was just the two of us, and I intend to keep it that way by ending the story here. There are other stories that I might tell one day about my relationship with my cousin, but that one you perverts don’t get.
Sometimes, something has to be private. Even for an exhibitionist.
This story is free to share and distribute so long as no money is charged.
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