AnonyMPC here, still alive, with another Phil Phantom Tribute. For those who aren't familiar with these, my Phil Phantom Tributes are my attempt to honor, capture the style of and deal with themes by a prolific erotic author of days gone by.   It's low characterization, high smut, and fast-paced, not much like my previous work but, hopefully, good for a good quick fap.  

Sandra's Sitting Service - A Phil Phantom Tribute by AnonyMPC (Mg, prost, best, oral, preg, inc)

Hi there. I'm your neighbor. Well, from a couple floors up, anyway. My name's Sandra. Can I come in? Wait, I guess it's 'may' I come in. Since obviously I 'can.' See? I just did. But now that I am in, I guess I don't need permission. Better to ask forgiveness than permission, that's what my Uncle always says.

What? What do I want? Oh, lots of things. A new iPhone, concert tickets to... oh, right now, right, sorry. But it's not about what I want, it's what I can offer you.

No, silly, I'm not selling cookies. But you are close. See, at school... I go to the middle school across the street? Anyway we've been doing a unit on the economy, and how it works and everything. They invited some business leaders in to talk to us what it takes to start businesses, to launch an idea, attract interest, keep it all going, because it's not just important to attract customers, you've got to keep them, too, and deal with competition, and so on. It was supposed to lead into our annual school fundraising drive, you've probably seen the school carnival and bake sale and all, but you know, not everyone likes those silly games or baking, so one of my friends put in an anonymous suggestion that maybe instead all of us could do whatever businesses we come up with and see if any of them is better for fundraising for the school. And I guess they really liked that idea, because that's what we're doing this month... we're all supposed to find something we can sell in large quantities or a service people will pay for and make as much as we can with it. Whichever class makes the most at the end of every week gets a pizza party, and the best businesses at the end of the month will get a permanent booth in the carnival.

Yes, exactly. I'm here to pitch you my business. I call it Sandra's Sitting Service. I'm Sandra by the way, I think I already said that. What's your name?

Oh, that's okay, it's not that kind of sitting. A couple girls are doing babysitting but I mean that's kind of last century you know? Not much money in that, and it's so slow.

I'm glad you asked. See, for a reasonable fee, I'll sit anywhere you want.

What's not to get? You tell me where to sit, and I sit there. On a couch, on a high stool, on the floor. But laps are the most popular option. Lots of people love to have a cute little girl sit on their lap. You do think I'm cute, don't you? You'd better say yes. Thank you, that's so sweet. You know, people say I remind them of a certain famous actress. Go on, guess. No. No. No, but I'll take that one too... my hair's too dark for most people to think I remind them of her but I can see it. Mostly they say I look like Mila Kunis. I mean younger, obviously, like from even before she was a show in the 70s or something? You see it? Well, whoever you think I look more like, wouldn't it be worth something to have a cute young starlet lookalike sit on your lap?

Oh, how can you say that? You haven't even heard my prices yet. Now, for a basic sitting, it's very reasonable, five dollars for ten minutes of sitting. If it's on a lap or anywhere involving touching someone, it's twice as much. Ten minutes minimum charge. That's a steal, at a dollar a minute... though if you want me to get up partway through you still owe me for ten minutes.

Just like I said, I sit where you want, like, on your lap. Maybe I bounce a little, if something makes me feel antsy.

Okay maybe you don't think that's a good deal, but I assure you, I am a quality sitter. Here, let me show you a sample picture. There, take a look at this. It's what I use to sit with. Cute underwear, huh? With the little cherries? That's not what I'm wearing right now, mind you... these ones I used for the sample pictures got super popular, and sometimes in this business things get a little messed up, and, to make a long story short, I don't have any cherries anymore. But my underwear's still going to be cute... right now I think I've got cute corgies on. If you want to see them in person, you'll have to have me sit somewhere you can look at them I guess, but pictures aren't a big deal. Here, this next picture I pulled them up, made it more like a thong, so you can see the cheeks better and I can try to sell you on spending just a bit more money... just imagine these babies plopped down on your lap. Your lap if you want, anyway, if you pay ten bucks. I mean, I'll sit wherever you tell me to, so I could also sit on your face if you're into that. Still ten bucks, but I might let you go a little over ten minutes depending on what you do with your time.

That's your call. I'm just selling my sitting expertise. What you do while I'm sitting is none of my business. You could paint a picture for all I care, though taking photos and video would be an additional charge and touching's only allowed if you paid for that, but if you have, you might as well get your money's worth. Now, if you're doing something that really hurts, I might stop and refund your money, but a good business wants return customers, so I'll probably just sit through whatever, and just watch a video or something on my phone until your time's up. I don't judge and I don't talk, we're bound by sitter/sittee confidentiality. Yes, that's totally a thing.

Well, okay, there are a few rules. Like, you can't move any of my clothes out of the way. And, if you get a stain on any of them, there's an extra charge to replace whatever it is you messed up. Any kind of stain. Like I said, what you do while I'm sitting on you is your business, maybe you want to eat Cheeze-Its, or work with something that spatters, or do, you know, something else that can mess up my outfit. But I told you, I've ruined a lot of good underwear on this job, not to mention some really cute skirts and some fun tops, so I need to charge extra when customers can't keep it clean. And I like to wear brand names, so those charges can really add up if you can't control yourself.

Of course, if you're worried about that risk, you can try one of my premium options. They're a little more expensive, but there's less clothes to worry about so you don't have to worry so much about being dirty.

No, I'm not a stripper! Sheesh. What do you take me for? Some of the kids in Mrs. Sayer's class are doing that sort of thing to raise money, but that's a little low-class for me, dancing and taking off my clothes for a bunch of perverted guys... and besides, tips don't count for the contest and that's where strippers get most of their money. I'm pretty sure they're turning in their tips and just saying it was what they charged... the school's really not supervising this very well, and some people just have no self-respect, cheating like that. And, anyway, middle school stripping? Why offer a show you could get better at any strip club? I mean, I know I don't have much up here but even I've got more than most of the flat-chests in Mrs. Sayer's class. No, I'm offering something unique, the joy of a girl, maybe young celebrity lookalike, sitting in your lap. Just some of the premium options for that don't have clothes on the girl, that's all.

Let me show you your choices. See, look, this is what could be sitting on you with the Deluxe Sit. Still a cute little skirt and top, so you will have to be a little careful about staining, but no underwear, and if its just my legs that get messy, I can wipe them off. That's thirty dollars for ten minutes... at these higher price tiers it's going to be the same whether you have me sit on a chair or lap or anywhere else, so you might as well go for a lap or face sit, but that's up to you. Now, for fifty, you get the special All-Natural Sit. You don't have to worry about my clothes at all, because I just won't wear any. You could get me messy all over and it wouldn't be a big deal as long as you give me a place to clean up. Want a sample picture? See, here from the back... and from the front. Now, see how I don't have any hair down there? I want you to know, I can grow it, I mean, I'm practically a teenager already, I just shave it for customer convenience. Especially when I'm doing face sitting... I mean who wants a bunch of hair smushed up in his face? Or her face.

Sure, I sit for women too. In fact, it's mostly women who hire me for face sits. No, I won't tell you who. Sitter-sittee confidentiality, remember? But I guess women get more lap sitting naturally, so they go for the more exotic experience. And then there's the ones who hire me to face sit on their sons or husbands, to teach them about how things work down there for girls, you know, really get an up close look and smell and even taste. You'd be surprised at how many don't know, even grown men. Of course, plenty hire me to lap sit for their sons too, even paying for the Ultimate Package.

I'm glad you asked. The Ultimate Package is a hundred dollars for ten minutes, but it's the package where the customer truly comes first. I'm pretty much completely in your power. You can choose the clothes I wear, and you get insurance for any staining on any clothes you do choose to use... of course the all-natural way is always an option if that's what you like. The Ultimate Package gets you unlimited free selfies or video of your sitting experience, which you can get me to take and send you later or you can do it live on your own phone, like a director.

And like a director, you can tell me things to do... you can tell me to bounce more, or less, spread my legs more, lift them, whatever you like. And of course, you can still choose exactly where I sit, too, and you can be a little more daring there, too... in fact, if you're worried about something getting crushed, the Ultimate Package also includes a special Snug Storage Service where you can put something inside of me. For protection. I've got two spots that are great for holding onto stuff while I'm sitting.

Anything you want. A hair brush, a personal massager, a remote control. Or, yes, a particularly sensitive part of the body. Get it out of the way of my especially bouncy sitting. If it fits. I have to approve it first. It's called Snug Storage because there's not a lot of room.

Maybe I can fit that, yeah. But I'd have to see yours up close to say for sure.

Oh, wow. That's a little bigger than I was expecting. I'm sorry, my Snug Storage Spots can stretch quite a bit, but I'm still not sure if either of them can fit a monster that big. I'm not saying "No," but... I don't know. Even if I could, it's going to be especially snug, maybe too snug. You know, it might work, maybe if it was, like, all slicked up somehow before we try? Luckily, I can offer something.... Yes, of course for an additional fee. That's what they taught us in school, it's called upselling. Now, for two dollars I can rub some cream on it before you put it inside, for five I can put on a rubber covering that's covered with a slick goo, or if you'd prefer, for a little more, there's a special all-natural service that will probably make it slippery enough to jam it in, or try our best anyway.

Eww, no, I'm not putting that in my mouth. That's disgusting, and it's probably no good for my braces. However, I can call my little sister down here to do that, I call it the Slick, Spick and Span Service. She's only nine, but she's good at that, her tongue slobber will make sure to keep things slick and slippery whenever you get too dry, and it can get me wet too, right in my Snug Storage Spots, and she'll even clean up after, and make us look all spick and span again at the end of it, all for twenty dollars. She doesn't attend my school so I can't just make her do it as part of the charity fundraising... I have to actually pay her to do this, that's why it's so expensive. But you only pay for the Slick, Spick and Span Service once no matter how long I'm sitting for you, and you get it whenever needed, so it's really a good deal. Should I call her?


Hi, Suzy, it's me. Sandra. Yeah I have another customer who wants your help. You want that ten dollars don't you? That's right, you can buy more of those loot boxes for that game you like. I'm two floors down. Apartment 304. No, that was 314 that was your music teacher, this is three zero four. I'm sure this guy won't care what shape you put your lips in. Okay, don't dawdle.

Okay, she'll be down in a minute or two. Remember, this is for school fundraising and I need to make a profit, so... just so you know, if you are using my sister's mouth I'm going to have to charge you for ten minutes on the Ultimate Package, even if you wind up changing your mind and don't want me to actually sit on your lap after she's used her tongue for a while. Hey, it happens. My sister's Slick, Spick and Span Service is pretty effective... it's nice that there's at least one thing her mouth is good for.

No, Suzy doesn't do sitting herself. I mean, she can do basic no-contact sits, and lap sits or face sits if you have money to burn, but she's still in training, and until my uncle's finished with that she's not ready to handle any Ultimate Packages yet. And besides, she's in elementary school which isn't part of our whole student business program, so none of it would go to any kind of good cause, she'd just spend it on dumb shit. Trust me, you want me to do the sitting, she's so tiny and tight you wouldn't get any pleasure out of the experience, I bet. She's not even old enough to get pregnant.

Of course I don't want to get pregnant. I mean could you imagine me, a little twelve-year-old with a big belly out to here? I'm just saying I could, potentially, get pregnant if a guy happened to make a mess in one of my Snug Storage Spots while he was making the most of his Ultimate Package... if I didn't take steps to make sure I wouldn't. I make sure Suzy cleans me out really good... I mean, I'm paying her out of my profits, so I'm going to make her earn that money. And I take pills just to be extra sure. I steal those from my mom and older sister, they don't notice... they just think they accidentally took one twice. If you didn't trust me, you 're welcome to wear one of the rubbers too, but you strike me as one of those perverts who'd want to knock a little girl up anyway. Well your odds are pretty low with all the precautions I take, but you can pretend that's what you're doing when I'm sitting on you, if you want. Who am I to judge?

So, while we're waiting, have you decided if you want me to wear clothes, or just a skirt, or nothing, or maybe a little costume? I have a couple options here in my bag, but they're very teeny. Look, I've got a bikini, a cheer outfit--not my actual one, but like, something that looks like one that I don't mind if it gets messy. And it doesn't have underwear in it. But I recommend the au naturale version... that's Spanish for all-natural. Nude.

Good choice. You got a bathroom or something I can change in? Or at least turn around? No, I won't give you a show! I mean, if you want to watch me take my clothes off, whatever, but I'm not going to make it fancy for you, I told you, I'm not a stripper. I'm a young business woman in the service industry. Much classier. Besides, we're going to be starting soon, so you should be focused on deciding what hole you want to shove your cock into while I sit on your lap.

Ta-da! See, it would have been more impressive if you'd turned away and bam--suddenly naked little girl, instead of staring like a creeper while I took off everything. But that's okay, lots of my customers are creepers. So, what do you think? I know these are still small but they make a good handhold if you grip them tight. Or you can use the hips or butt. Hair's okay if you're gentle, same with throat... just don't get carried away, because if I pass out I'm charging you for a full hour of Ultimate Package, and if you pull out any hair I will be getting my parents involved. I can't be going to school with bald patches and I don't think it'd make people want to hire me to sit for them any more either.

Oh, that's probably my sister. You want to get that? I mean, it is your place, and if it's not her and I answer the door like this I'm liable to get raped or something.

See? I told you it was her. You actually looked scared like it was a rapist or something. Anyway, Suzy, let me introduce you to my new sitting client... you know, I never got your name. Cool. Well, this is my little sister and cleaning girl, Suzy. Why don't you pull down your shirt, Suzy?

No, not like that. Pull it down straight so he can read it. Nobody wants to see your little mosquito bites.

Fine, but he's a pervert. Show him what it says on the shirt, though.

See? It's a bit hard to make out with the stains, but it says "I'd clean my room but I'm overqualified." Isn't that cute? Since I'm paying her to clean up after whatever mess you make? And it's true, too, she almost never cleans her room. But she'll clean your cock real good with her Slick, Spick and Span Service. Maybe Mom should pay her more allowance.

Speaking of which, you should get started if you want to earn your money, Suzy. Yeah, that's right, take it all in your mouth. She's pretty good, don't you think? Wanna know the secret? I made her practice on the dog. Well, I didn't make-her make her, like, hold her down and force it in her mouth, but I paid her. Not much, because it wasn't a real job from a paying customer, just training. But really, once a girl's had a long dog dick shooting in her mouth as much as Suzy has, plain old human ones are practically a treat. You could go practically all the way down her throat and you're still not going to be as big as Rex when he's got his knot all swollen up like a fist. It's really something to see.

I couldn't do it. I mean, I wouldn't want to, either, but I guess she's got a special talent with mutts. I even think that maybe when she finishes her training, instead of doing normal sitting jobs, I should spin her off as a special dog sitting service. I get a lot of requests for that, but I won't do them. I mean, sure I'll sit still and let them lick me if that's what a customer wants, but that's the only place I'd let a dog slobber on me.

I certainly wouldn't go as far as doing the Ultimate Package when it's a dog. But Suzy? She already has to do it sometimes when Rex gets too frisky and starts humping her as soon as she takes her underwear off, just so the rest of her clothes don't get messy. When that happens it's usually easier to just guide him into her ass or pussy rather than pull him off long enough for her to turn around and get her lips on it. I mean he is a pretty big dog. I mean, she can't even take his dick all the way yet but if you get the tip in at least it keeps some of the mess off the carpet. It's been happening more and more, and she denies it but I don't think they're all accidents, but, hey, if she's going to be a freak like that, why not make a profit on it, right?

Maybe I could even get her a sponsorship at Petsmart or something, you know, she wears a t-shirt that says something like, "For all your pet's other needs, choose Petsmart!" while she helps a dog cock to shoot its cum inside of her so it's not humping all your furniture. I mean I guess you probably couldn't see the shirt very well while it's humping her but, it still makes a good promotion before and after don't you think?

What? You're ready for me to sit for you? Are you sure you don't want to hear more about my sister with dogs? You know there was one time she sucked off a horse, and... let me tell you, making that Spick and Span at the end was a hell of a job, with all the horse cum she couldn't swallow all over the stable floor and she still had to lick....

Okay, you caught me. I was hoping to make you blow in her mouth on accident, then I could charge you for ten minutes Ultimate Package sitting without actually doing any. Hey, that's just how it works, the more clients I can take in a day, the more I make, and so if I can get you to pay without me having to do any work, that's just good business.

This isn't a scam though, and I'm not afraid of a little hard work. Which hole did you decide on again? Right. Okay, Suzy, give me a few slobbery licks so I'm wet enough that I can squeeze this fine gentleman's thing inside of me so I can sit for him. See? It took a while to get her trained to put her mouth anywhere without complaint, but that's what big sisters are for.

No, there was no horse, really. I wish I had a horse to make her suck off. And Rex has only actually humped Suzy the one time so far and didn't actually get inside. But yeah, I did make her practice her sucking on him, that part was true. A lot of people are hung up on that. Maybe I need to add another tier above Ultimate so people can watch that while I sit.

Okay, I think... yeah that's in about as far as it'll go. Now, do you want to get your phone out to take pictures, or should I get Suzy to take some on my phone? All right, your call. Just so you know, I've started your ten minutes so don't be afraid to direct me. You're paying for the ultimate sitting experience, and your satisfaction is my priority... until your time's up, at least. You want me to bounce a little more? Okay! Tell me if I'm going too fast.

Shit. Hold on a second. Suzy, hand me my phone. Sorry, it's one of my other franchisees. I need to take this. Look, I'll pause your time. Since I'm still technically sitting on you, that's like getting free time so no complaints to my teacher, okay?

Hey. You better have some good numbers for me. Problem? Oh my god, Savannah, there's gotta be like fifty guys there, I don't care if it is a family reunion if you can't find at least three who are willing to pay for you to bounce on their lap with their cocks up your ass you'll never make it in this... what? What's Gina doing there? Ohh, right, I forgot her mom married your cousin. Okay, so what, a little healthy competition is the cornerstone of capit... what?

She's offering WHAT? Do you know how much she's charging? Per person? Damn....

No. I don't care, you get out there and get customers any way you can. Match her, or offer to do more. And no more being precious about it, Savannah... both holes, you hear me? I don't care, Savannah! How do you think your boyfriend's going to react if he finds out we lost out on the pizza party this week because you would only give up your ass?

No, I know Kevin, trust me, he'd prefer the pizza party.

And I'm not picking on just you, with Gina going as hard as she is, we're all going to have to step up our game here and do things we don't want to so we can win... in fact, I've got another idea and I'm in a good position to do some market research, so I'll get back to you.

But you listen to me, there is no way we're letting her class win this week's pizza party, and I'll be damned before I let them win the spot at the fair. So I don't care if it's your dad, your grandpappy, or even your brothers, you whore yourself out to every one with a dick you can get alone... beg if you have to, but you bring in customers, understand? Good.

Sorry about that. It's tough being a natural business genius sometimes... a lot of the other girls in my class didn't have their own ideas so they joined mine, which means I gotta be a boss, which means a lot of yelling. But it's kind of fun, too, because I get to make all the important decisions, too. So... listen, how would you like to get in on the ground floor of a new offer for my sitting service? For a little extra, you'll get the chance to knock me up.

I mean, yeah, you can cum in me on the Ultimate Package already, but I'm probably going to have to take that feature away soon, or require a condom. But, pay a little extra and I'll stop taking birth control today instead of tomorrow. I'll even lie back for a while to let it all soak in and won't get Suzy to clean me up there.

Oh, don't whine Suzy, you'll still get your money from mouth-lubing, and you can help gather all the cum and stuff it inside. I'm sure plenty of guys who prefer to use my ass would still pay for a shot at putting a baby in me, and that can be your job, scooping it all where it needs to go. Sperm Scooper maybe we'll call it.

Silly, of course it wouldn't be exclusive. I'd have to charge you much more to guarantee you're the only one who can knock me up, mister... I'd be cutting off all my potential customers. You're paying for a chance, like one of those ball-tossing games. If we win the fundraising contest that's probably what our business will have to turn into at the carnival, Sandra's Sperm Squirt Spot... okay, the name needs some workshopping, but, I figure guys will just line up for a shot at knocking up a middle school girl. Can you picture it? I think it'd make the school at a lot of money, don't you? We'd even guarantee they were off birth control that day.

Wait, really? I thought you could just take the pills on days you had sex. No, I must have missed that day in class. How long does it take? Wow. And it takes a while to start working too? Huh. I guess I've been playing with fire. I mean, I still made sure to wash really good.

Okay, you've convinced me, from now on, no sperm in my babymaker without a condom unless you pay extra. Good thing I'm not pregnant yet. So, what do you think? I'd charge an extra $30 as part of the Ultimate Sitting Service and maybe $75 by itself, if you don't want a full sit but just want to stick the head in and squirt and make me sit around with a load of baby-making goo in my baby-maker. Maybe make more that way since my employees will have to do less work.

Well, no, I can't promise I'm fertile now, like you said, but tell you what, pay an extra fifty today, and you can put all your cum in my pussy this session and I promise I won't take any more pills, and, I'll give you a free pump-and-go sitting appointment sometime this week with one of my other employees, guaranteed not on the pill. Most of my employees have never been on it, they just use their ass so they don't have to, but I warned them the market might force them to make compromises... and this is a pretty tame compromise, I mean, the cock doesn't have to go in far to squirt. Choose the right girl and you might even be her first to try and make a baby, and you gotta like those odds. Here, let me bring up some pictures of them, maybe you can find one you'd like to breed with .

Let's see... where did I save that picture... no, those are just some of my other customers. No, I told you, I take customer privacy very seriously, we don't share your personal information but we do keep it for our own records so we can improve our service. Ah, here we go, this is a picture of me and my friends... you can choose any girl in this picture except the one way on the left... she's got some nice boobs but she's going her own way doing some dumb car wash idea if you want to see 'em. Choose any of the others, they're all my employees so they have to do what I say. Just one though for the special deal, any more and you have to pay full price.

Sure you can think about it. But just so you know, I'm starting your sitting time again, and this special offer goes away after if you don't agree before you squirt. Now let's see, you liked me moving like this when we left off, right?

Yeah, it's called 'high pressure sales technique.' So what do you say? Wanna shot at knocking up a couple of middle school girls? Sure feels like you do, pervert. Well, it might be your last chance to get your first crack, and at a deep discount... Deal? Deal. Ahhh... ahhh.... mmmm.....

Pleasure doing business with you, mister. Suzy, help scoop in any of his goo that leaked out, so he gets his money worth, and then take his payment. Wash your hands, first. And you, did you decide on a girl yet?

Oh, that one? Wow, you really picked the toughest one. I wasn't going to rule her out, but she'll take some talking to, she's super Christian, doesn't even do anal, just basic sits and Deluxe packages. But, a deal's a deal, and, you know what, since you'd just be sticking the tip in and squirting your load, that's not actually sex, so... I mean I guess it would count as a virgin birth.... Yeah, I bet I can sell her on that. I'm very good at selling people... don't you think?

The End
"CAUTION: Exercise caution and good sense before engaging in unsafe sex practices that involve any exchange of body fluid, even contact with open sores or small cuts. Scenes involving large objects, tattoos, bestial sex, body waste ingestion, bindings, devices and gadgets are the stuff of fantasy and are offered to promote the only safe sex there is - masturbation. Before you try anything, find out what the risks and hazards are because they can all be deadly. Read, enjoy, and remember - sex with minors should be left to other minors." - Phil Phantom


End Note: This story is technically part of an idea by Danaume involving a universe or universes in which a magical suggestion box appears in random places and alters reality making any suggestion put in the box true, even if it's outrageous and lewd, or (in this case) an innocent suggestion that gets misinterpreted to be so... the person making the suggestion remembers the old reality, but nobody else notices a change. Although ideally Suggestion Box stories should focus more on that aspect, and here it's basically a cameo, I do want to acknowledge that. It's possible that many of my Phil Phantom-style stories take place in such a universe, it's just not revealed who made a suggestion or what it was.

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